Crazy schedules and answered prayers.

Oh dear, it had been a crazy August.

Right now I am looking at my calendar on my desk at the office. This is where I write my OTs. Almost every day for the month of August was blocked. There were times I spent the night at the office. Coffee and energy drink ran in my blood just to keep up with the long hours. Whew! How did I end up this way anyway?

I started this job in the editorial department of a publishing company in Quezon City. The company produces mostly academic books, with law books as the its premiere products. Our section in the editorial department is assigned with the basic education books (elementary and high school). I don't have any Educ background (except perhaps DEVC40. Uhmmm I'm not sure if that counts), so I was a little afraid, but since I have Journ background, they figured that editing materials for books might be up my alley. 

This job serves a a breather from all the soul-searching I did prior to this job. As some of you know, I took some time struggling with the so-called quarter-life crisis (or is 22 too early for that? Whatever). After I graduated, I found it hard to find my place in the workplace and, consequently, in the adult world. I got a temporary contractual job, which I fondly enjoyed while it lasted, then I found myself clueless again about where I should go.

A few weeks into the unemployment, I attended a Life-in-the-Spirit Seminar, with the hopes of consulting my internal compass - God, about all the mess I've been having. It was such a blissful and fruitful experience, and I did get His message for me that time. But of course, it's not like God would magically solve my confusion, so I still had to struggle about my vocation and unemployment issues.

After another three months of unemployment, I finally landed a job in a research foundation somewhere in Ortigas. I stayed there for a short while, then I resigned. Then after my brief experience in that job, I had to face yet another phase (see what I did there? They're homonyms. hihihihi) of unemployment. Wow, yaman ko noh? Please... I was broke and empty for months. I can't imagine how I survived those months penniless. Good thing my parents never left me in my time of need.

In May 2013, I finally got this job in the publishing company. In June, I was all set and good to go. Honestly, I wasn't really excited about this job, for I was expecting something else. A day before I accepted this placement, I braved going to AFP; their Reserve Command was in need of a writer and I figured I could try my luck. So I marched there, took the tests, and faced the interview with the Commanding Officer herself (she was kind, but I was scared!). I told God that if it was really not His will for me to take the job in the publishing company, He would get me through this by letting me work at AFP. I also prayed that it was actually His will to place me there (Haha! I'm terrible. I remembered, prayer doesn't work that way. Hayyy). Much to my dismay, that night the Commanding Officer texted me. I didn't get the job. So after that bad day, I halfheartedly said yes to the publishing company.

I was resolved to spend "just a few months" in the company, during which time I would see if I have a shot with the "dream jobs" I was really pining for.

But truly, God's ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), and His plans turned out to be different and better than mine. Have I known all along that He truly is the perfect planner of my life, I wouldn't be so skeptical of His plans for me.

It turns out I actually like my job. I like editing, I like the books, I like the company, and I like the thought of actually contributing something to the service of people. :) I knew I should have trusted Him about this job. How good is the Lord, who is true and faithful to His promise!

There are downsides to this job, however. The insane long hours of work, particularly during the peak season; the location (for crying out loud, I reside in Makati, and yet I chose a job that's far away); the traffic (hello Quiapo and España); the Saturday work (it seems I'm missing out on a lot of things); and the potential membership in an organization in my own parish I neglected because of my hectic schedule (busyness was not my primary reason for backing out, but it was a major setback).

But I believe that if one really enjoys what he is doing, he can endure these things, no matter how hard. It's amazing how I manage to cope.

I feel that this might not yet be the end stop for me... I am young and I have a lot in mind. But my heart is contented and happy, and carefree as it may sound, that is what matters to me right now. With this, I can rest my mind and finally focus on serving God through my work. Finally, I may not worry (for now) about where I should go next, but instead, enjoy the journey and let God take care of the future. When the time comes when I'll have to leave (alis agad iniisip, di pa nga regular? hahahaha), I hope that God would be gracious to help me through it. After all, I wish to be docile to the plan of God, and I pray He would grant me the grace to be one, given that I am so hardhearted and proud and all.

My end goal is for my life to be always of service to God, no matter where He wills me to go and what He wills me to do. It sounds almost insanely impossible, but I believe that since I was bought by the blood of such a precious martyr called Christ, this is what every Christian must do. Frankly, I am alarmed and perpetually afraid of this goal, because if He asked that I give up my all for Him, I don't know if I would be gracious enough to say yes. I am constantly afraid that that day would come. Seriously, how does one say 'fiat' (Be it done) as wholehearted and trusting as the Virgin Mary did?

But for now, I feel that my vocation is in this job, and in my other roles as well -- daughter, sibling, friend, lover (of my imaginary boyfriend, who else. loljk). I must focus on these things, and even if I suck at this path to holiness most times, I pray that He would be patient with me. Pray with me, my dear friends in faith, that we may become Christ's witnesses in our workplace (even if most of the time, life is a bitch).

May you walk with me hand-in-hand, and together, let us walk amidst the ungodly world towards God.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord,

"Plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and on your own understanding rely not;

In all your ways be mindful of Him,

and He will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

_________________

P.S.

I realized that I prayed about this job last September 2012. The job I was praying for was different than this, but to my surprise, I like this job a thousandfold more than that job I was praying for. Thank God, and glory be to Him! This job is the answer to the prayer I asked God last September, and this job is actually better than what I originally asked for. Truly, omnia in bonum (everything is for the good). I am humbled and enthralled by His graciousness. His goodness is unfathomable. Every time He answers my prayers, He humbles me.

The fingerprint, the zebra and the snowflake.

The fingerprint is an amazing feature in the anatomy of humans. Most fingerprints seem identical in our eyes; yet it has been proven that no two fingerprints are alike.

The same goes with the stripes in a zebra. They all seem the same to us; yet every stripe is unique. Thus, no two zebras are alike.

Also, it is the same with snowflakes; they all have the same basic form and shape, but if you look closely at their intricacies, you will realize that each snowflake is different. No two snowflakes are alike.

See how our perception deceives us? There are many things in life that, at the first glance, seem ordinary; things that look like they merely blend in with others; things that seem indistinct when compared with the rest of their kind.

It is a valid temptation (and a persistent one indeed) to think that I do not matter as an individual; after all, there are millions of people who are identical to, even better than me. The company I work in can easily replace me in the event that I resign. A lover whom I left would find it a piece of cake to find another lover even more beautiful than me. My friends and family might weep a little over my loss, but would eventually move on without me. My demise would be barely noticed by the world; I would be "just another girl" who was born, who lived, and passed away.

Thus, I have asked God numerous times: what difference does it make that I am here? In the sea of people who keep competing against one another, do I have a role? What's the point of striving so hard, if there will always be someone out there better than me?

But the most consoling counter-argument to this is the fact that no matter how tiny and insignificant I am, somebody as big as the Lord of all creation sees me. In fact, He knows all details about me. He does not see me as "just another somebody"; He knows how unique I am.

People see me as just another fingerprint; but God can see through me; thus, He sees my uniqueness from all the other fingerprints. He sees my every fiber and says, "That is My child, whose personality I planned perfectly, and whom I single out among the rest."

To everybody's eyes, my life is just another stripe of black and white, like that of a zebra; but God sorts out beyond the black and white, unearths the intricate pattern, and loves me for that unique pattern.

While I lament on my ordinariness, there is God watching me, admiring the little snowflake that I am. He is there, hoping that I would realize that I must see myself the way He sees me.

"O what is man that you are mindful of him?" (Hebrews 2:6) Indeed, we are but a little speck in the vast universe of God. Therefore, it is mind-boggling and overwhelming to think that we would be noticed by, who else, but the Creator of all of these. Would he be interested with all our tiny troubles?

But He would, because to His eyes, we are special. And we shall be enthralled and humbled and forever thankful of this truth.

May we always remember that we are a fingerprint, a zebra, and a snowflake: carefully planned, unique, beautiful and special. May we see ourselves as creatures with worth and dignity, as the Lord so lovingly sees us. And may we use our uniqueness to harmonize with the rest of His children, so that His Name may be glorified in all the ends of the earth. Because if we are created "in the image and likeness" of God (cf. Genesis 1:26), then how beautiful are we indeed!