Why am I constipated?

Because of:

a. the coke float?

b. the DQ double fudge latte?

c. the kwekwek?

d. the siomai?

e. or because of the fact that I ate them all today?

PS. Sorry God, I know I've been a glutton. Sarrry. :/

Sorry, this is a deviant post.

A few years ago, I would cry to my friends whenever I had trials.

I would weep. Wail. Throw stuff (such as tissue or dried leaf, anything that's soft so it won't damage anything). Cry myself to sleep. Yes, that was how childish I was.

But now, I have changed. As I grew older, I learned to keep it all inside.

But I also learned another thing: write about it to ease my feelings. And for others to learn something from it.

I could only explicitly kwento the whole details to my long trusted friends.

Now the reason why I am writing now is to let it all out again. Yes, I've been struggling with life these past few days. Money is hard. Relationships are stained. Even my relationship with Him. With the One I used to earnestly write about.

I cannot relay the entire situation here. My life is not supposed to be an open book. Besides, I intended this blogsite to express my love for God and my desire for everyone to know Him. This site cannot be my diary.

But for a change, please bear with me; I just don't know where on earth could I release it all.

I WANT TO DIE. I want all my problems to end.

But of course, that won't happen. I will never ever take my life. I do not have the right.

So I leave it up to Him. Lord, I know my trust in You is so weak and my love is so frail. But please help me. Please. I cannot handle this anymore.

In the end, may His Name be glorified. Et nunc, et semper, in secula seculorum! Amen!

Bakit ang kulit ko?

You might ask - Bakit ang kulit ko? Bakit puro tungkol naman sa Diyos itong pinopost ko? Couldn't I get a life?

Pero simple lang din ang sagot ko diyan - I could only live my life if and only if I USE MY WRITING TO GLORIFY HIM.

Ok na tayo? Salamat. :P

God's Roles

Ano ang role ng Diyos sa buhay mo? Paano mo Siya tinitingnan?

ROBOT. May mga tao na kung utusan ang Diyos para siyang robot. Lahat na lang gustong ipagawa sa Kanya, tapos wala namang effort na nanggagaling sa sarili. Ganito ang kadalasang dasal nila: “Panginoon, si nanay maysakit, alagaan Mo. Si tatay pagalingin Mo ang rayuma. Si kuya, patigilin Mo na sa pag-inom. Si ate sana di na ako bungangaan. Si bantay may garapata, nawa’y maalis. May ipis po, pakipatay.” Aba! Lahat na lang, iniasa sa Diyos tapos hindi naman ginagawa ang part niya. Pwede naman niya sigurong paliguan yung aso para maalis ang garapata, diba?

Hindi naman masamang umasa sa Diyos. Sino pa ba ang sasandalan mo? Pero after mong magpagawa ng mga bagay-bagay sa Kanya, make sure na ginagawa mo pa rin ang iyong mga tungkulin sa abot ng makakaya mo. Luma na, pero tama pa ring “Do your best and God will do the rest.” Kapag ginamit mo sa mabuti ang iyong mga kakayahan, Siya na mismo ang tatapos ng mga hindi mo kaya!

SANTA CLAUS. Halos kapareho lang ito nung una, pero imbes na pagpapagawa, paghingi ng paghingi sa Diyos ang moda ng mga taong ito. “Panginoon, bigyan Mo po ako ng boyfriend na gwapo. Bigyan mo rin ako ng mataas na sweldo. Gusto ko rin ng PSP, itouch, cellphone na triple sim, trip to Europe for two at masarap na hapunan mamayang gabi. Gusto ko ring maging billionaire, so freakin’ bad.” Naku, ginawa nang wishlist si Lord. Anong feeling mo, birthday mo everyday?

Pero totoo namang generous ang Panginoon. In fact, mas galante Siya kay Santa. Hindi lang pisikal na pangangailangan mo ang ibinigay Niya, pati buhay Niya. Indeed, God is not generous; He is Generosity.

Wala namang masama sa paghingi sa Kanya. In fact, mabuti yon dahil sa Kanya naman talaga nanggagaling ang lahat ng grasya. Pero pangit naman yung puro hingi na lang ang dinadasal mo. Never forget to thank Him! Even if you got nothing, thank Him for that nothing. Acknowledge Him in all times, in all places, at all circumstances.

GRUMPY OLD MAN. May mga tao namang tinitingnan ang Diyos na parang matandang laging galit. Hiyang hiya sa sariling pagkukulang, kapintasan at kasalanan, at nahihiya nang harapin ang Diyos dahil dito. Ganito ang dasal nila: “Panginoon, ako’y nagkasala. Napakarumi ko. Wala akong kwenta, hindi ko sinunod ang utos Mo. Hindi na yata ako magbabago. Galit Ka na sa akin at ihahagis Mo na ako sa walang hanggang apoy.” Kawawang kaluluwa, ni hindi pa nga natatanong ang Diyos kung talagang ihinahagis Siya sa walang hanggang apoy eh nag-assume na.

Ang Diyos ay hindi isang grumpy na matandang iko-kondena ka sa mga kasalanan mo. Hindi Niya inililista ang mga kasalanan mo tapos “Lagot sa Akin ito!” On the contrary, yayakapin ka pa Niya ng buong higpit, nagagalak na nagsisisi ka at handang magbago. Tunay na walang hanggan ang pagpapatawad ng Diyos. Alam mo yung Divine Mercy na image? Sa sobrang laki ng pagmamahal at awa Niya para sa sangkatauhan ay nag-uumapaw na ito mula sa puso Niya. Gets mo ba, nag-uumapaw na, hindi na Niya ma-contain! He wants to pour it all out to us, but only if we allow Him. Kaya ano pang hinihintay mo, wag ka nang matakot, i-avail mo na!

EXTRA-CURRICULAR. Meron ding mga tao na tinuturing na extra-curricular activity ang Diyos. “Mamaya na ako magsisimba, magsa-shopping muna ako.” “Pagkatapos na lang ng lahat ng teleserye ako magdadasal.” “Pwede namang hindi magsimba ngayon, sa linggo na lang.” Nakupeng! Kawawa naman ang Diyos, nagkasya na lang sa mga tira-tirang oras mo.

Sa lahat ng gawain, si God dapat ang una. All our labor should be offered to God. Praising Him and glorifying Him in all we do should be our first priority. Hindi ko naman sinasabing maging pari o madre na tayong lahat. Ano na lang ang mangyayari kung lahat ng lalaki, magmimisa pag linggo? Edi wala nang lay minister? May mga taong talagang tinawag para diyan. Pero hindi natin dapat isinasantabi ang Diyos dahil busy tayo o hindi naman linggo. Magpapakain ka ba ng bahaw na kanin sa presidente ng Pilipinas? He does not deserve what’s left of you; He deserves all of you! As the saying goes, “I will not give to God an offering that costs me nothing.”

CALL CENTER. Call center ang tanungan ng mga taong lito. In the same way, may mga taong kung magtanong sa Diyos para Siyang call center. “Lord, bakit? Why is this happening?” “Bakit Mo kinuha ang mahal ko sa buhay?” “Anong ibig sabihin ng lahat ng ito?” “God, why am I suffering?” Para ka namang test paper, ang dami mong tanong.

Sa buhay, hindi mo naman kailangang intindihin lahat. Kapag sinubukan mong intindihin lahat, sasabog ang utak mo. You’ll gain more questions than answers. Hindi ka matatahimik. Bakit pilit mong inaalam kung bakit ginawa ng Diyos sa’yo ang ginawa Niya? May mga tanong ka na sasagutin ng Diyos, meron ding hindi. Kung hindi mo pa rin maintindihan, baka pagkakataon na ito para magtiwala ka sa Kanyang infinite wisdom. You do not see the entire puzzle; you merely see that small piece. But God sees them all and therefore, trust that He will place that piece of puzzle where it fits perfectly. Trust in God is the key. No one is more deserving of your trust than the one who lays His life for a friend.

GUILTY ba? Kahit naman ako na nagsulat nito, tinatamaan din sa mga sinasabi ko. Ayos lang yan. Mahal ka pa rin ng Panginoon. Ang mahalaga, kinikilala mo Siya at mahal mo Siya. Feeble man ang pagmamahal na yun, Siya na ang bahalang magpalago nun!

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." John 15:16

Who glorifies Him the most?

I was inspired to write this story after reading Luke 19:28-40, when the people of Jerusalem welcomed Jesus by waving their palms and spreading their cloaks on the road.

When the Pharisees rebuked this praise to Jesus, He answered,

“I tell you ,if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” (Lk. 19:40)

May you be inspired! Gloria in excelsis Deo!

--------------------

WHO GLORIFIES HIM THE MOST?

Nature was in turmoil. The rock, sun, cloud, moon, and tree were in contest of whoever glorifies God the most. Everyone had something to brag about their contributions to the world.

“I glorify Him the most!” said the rock. “I stay on the land so humans could have a solid ground to step on. I serve as the stronghold of their houses.”

“No, I do more glory to God than you,” said the tree. “I help people by giving all of my parts for their needs. I serve as shelter, food, wood… everything!”

“That’s nothing,” said the cloud. “None of your specie could live without me. I bring rain to the earth and protect everyone with harmful rays of the sun. I glorify God more than all of you.”

“Is that all that you can do?” the sun said. “All of the earth depends on me. Without me, it would be darkness forever. I glorify God the most!”

They were about to fight when God came. All the creatures were delighted. They bowed down reverently in front of Him.

“My dear God,” the sun confronted him. “We were on a commotion a while ago on who glorifies You the most. But who do You think really does?”

God smiled and answered, “All work, no matter how small, if done sincerely and out of love for Me, shall bring Me glory.

You, rock, is the earth’s foundation. I made you hard and stout so you could fill this purpose. With your strength and firmness, you will bless the world and bring Me glory.

Tree, you give selflessly to provide for My people. I gave you this purpose of providing humans’ necessities, so you could bless the world and bring Me glory.

Cloud, your capacity to hold rain and pour it in need is My gift to you. I want you to quench the thirst of the earth. Bless the world and bring Me glory.

Sun, you shine above the world and all My creations. Your capacity to bring sunlight to the earth is My gift to you, so you could bless the world and bring Me glory.

I have called you for a purpose, and I equipped you. I crafted each of you perfectly. I want to use you for the good of all, so the world could take glimpse of My goodness and love.

If only all humans would realize this purpose of theirs, as the rock, the tree, the cloud and the sun had realized, then they would know why they are built: to bless the world and glorify Me.”

With this, the four creatures went on their way – the rock staying on the ground, the tree giving food and wood, the cloud pouring rain, and the sun shining everyday – all to bless the world and give Him glory.

The Spiritual Battle - Plants vz. Zombies Style

Lately, I’ve had this fascination to Plants vs. Zombies. Okay, I know I am a few months late but when PVZ was “in season” I had other games to attend to (you know those games in Facebook). And when everyone got bored with PVZ it was my time to get hooked with it.

PVZ is a strategy game. You cherish your brains. The zombies attack the house to eat your brains. You plant crops that would protect your house. The zombies go to your lawn and the battle begins.

Spiritual battle is just like PVZ. I know it is quite silly to compare such a spiritual matter to a computer game, but remember that in order for us to understand God, He needed to come to the world. That means He needed to situate Himself in something understandable to us, for us to experience the fullness of Him.

BRAINS – the Soul

Brain is the very essence of being human. It is the most cherished possession. Without it, no thinking could take place. It should be well-taken care of. Brains are a yummy meal for zombies.

Our souls are the most essential part of our being. It cannot be detached from the physical body, but it should take authority to the body. It is everlasting. When all else have faded and turned into ash, the soul will remain to be united to its Creator, or will suffer eternal fire. Therefore, the soul should be well-taken care of.

ZOMBIES – the Devil

They are fearless. They come in groups. They have different styles to reach the house quickly and get your brains. Some walk. Some run. Some jump high. Others come from the sky. Others are invisible, too.

The devil is the enemy of the soul. The main purpose of its existence is to doom mankind. Its misery in hell pushes it to take us with it to suffer eternally. All of them have their different styles to do so. They target our weakness and focus on it. They will not give up devouring our souls until our last breath.

PLANTS - The Church, Sacraments, Prayers, Personal Relationship with God

The zombies attack, but when they arrive at the lawn they see a line of defense. They still try to invade the lawn, but could not go on anymore. Peashooter shoots them. Wallnut blocks their way. Cherrybomb explodes to drop them dead.

Without the Church, Sacraments, personal prayers, and your overall struggle to know Him, your soul is directly available to the devil. That is why it is important to hold on to the Church for your own spiritual growth. Personal prayer is important, too. One must have a personal relationship with the Lord in order to realize his sins, overcome his weakness and defeat the enemy.

SUNFLOWER – The Holy Spirit

Without the sunflower, nothing could be done with the lawn. The sunflower is the source of “energy” or points needed to avail plants. You should plant as many sunflowers as possible for more sources of light.

Just as sunflower gives out light, the Holy Spirit enlightens our souls and brings our hearts to God. It gives us the light for us to know the Truth. The Holy Spirit is the Light that the Church needs for its guidance. It is the Light that gives effect to Sacraments. It is also the Light that moves our prayers and purifies our intention.

This is the battle of plants and zombies. This is our spiritual battle. We may not notice it, but everyday, the battle goes on. Zombies come constantly to capture our brains. We plant some prayers in our lawn and the zombie is defeated. It cannot be avoided but sometimes, our plants are eaten by zombies. We should not be disheartened but rather, trust that the Sunflower would give use enough light to get plants again and win the battle.

Take up your cross

“Take up your cross,” He said.

The day He told it to me, I was shocked,

And “No, never!” was my answer.

Why would He want me to suffer?

I never wanted to take that cross,

Even if He asked me to.

So I tried to ran away.

I ran and hid away from Him,

Far from His presence

So that He could never claim me

And ask me that burdensome thing.

But then I heard His voice again.

“Take up your cross,” He said.

I trembled in fear, for I had no faith

So I ran in the world to escape from Him.

In my escape, I wandered everywhere

And the world provided what I wanted

Luxury, fame, power, self-glory;

Yet my heart was empty.

What was missing? I took a glance

I saw the cross on the ground,

Waiting to be picked up.

“Take up your cross,” He was persistent.

I could not escape His call.

And so I walked and took the cross,

Ready to be crucified.

The cross was heavy and hard,

It almost crushed my shoulders.

But after some time, it became easier

Until it was as light as a feather.

I was amazed I paused for a while.

I looked behind and saw Christ

Who was the one carrying all the weight.

I asked, “Why Lord? This I’m supposed to carry.”

He answered,

“My child, this is My cross,

You merely shared in my suffering.”

Valentines Date

(I posted this last V-day. All for His glory!)

(This one's dedicated to my greatest Lover. For you from me this Valentines. :D

Single people out there: don't be sad this Valentines! It's not all about romantic love. In fact we are all loved -- by Jesus.)

I have a date this Valentines Day

And I’m excited to the nerve.

He is the best guy of all times

Whom in fact, I do not deserve.

My date lived in humble poverty

And he did not own anything.

But when he showed me his true riches

They are far better than every thing.

All heaven and earth went on rejoicing

When the virgin laid him on the manger.

Though he deserved the greatest welcoming

He stayed being so humble forever.

He never had money to buy a lot

Yet he gave everything that is mine.

He lived in no greater than a small hut

Yet in need he changed water into wine.

He was a nobody in this cruel world

But in eternal kingdom, king was he.

He did not have to bother suffering

But he chose to shed his blood for me.

He will take me not in somewhere classy

Or in an expensive Christmas eve.

But I, for sure, will never go hungry

For he’ll give himself, so that I may live.

I could never find a greater lover

As my loving Jewish carpenter.

For his love for me have stayed forever

And loneliness with him I’ll find never.

The Best Love Letter

(Since He instructed us to go and tell the world of His love, I would! But how? By starting with one thing I love the most - writing. Glory be to God!)

THE BEST LOVE LETTER

By: Michay

I was about to write the best love letter

To Someone whom they call the 'Maker'

But then when I sat down to start the fun

I saw His generosity that cannot be outdone.

I saw the pen and started writing,

But this pen I held came from him!

I looked for a nice, clean paper

A paper from him, the sole provider.

I looked for a place for me to go

So I could start my masterpiece

But oh! He himself built that place

For me to live in peace.

I may have made the best poem

Addressed to my Faithful Lover,

But look! He is still the best writer

For all the world is His love letter.

Swimming sa baha

Laking Malabon ako.

Alam nyo naman sa Malabon, laging bumabaha.

Nung bata pa ako, hindi pa tinataasan yung street sa tapat ng bahay namin. Kaya pag high tide, bumabaha. Nakadungaw ako sa bintana at tinitingnan ko yung mga batang nagsiswimming sa baha.

Kaya kinulit ko si Mama. Mama, gusto ko pong magswimming sa baha.

Hindi pumayag si Mama. Madumi daw yung tubig dun. Magkakasakit ako. Siyempre, hindi ako naniwala. Nagpumilit ako. Mama, gusto ko po talagang magswimming sa baha. Bakit yung iba, nagsiswimming? Bakit ako, hindi? Pero kahit anong pilit ko, hindi ko talaga mapapayag si Mama. Nakasimangot lang akong pinapanood ang mga batang masayang nagtatampisaw sa tubig.

Ang tanga tanga ko noon. Talaga.

Looking back, alam ko na ngayon na madumi ang baha. Kahit palusungin mo nga lang ako sa tubig nun, ayoko, kadiri kaya with a capital "K."

Hindi ko maintindihan si Mama noon kung bakit ayaw niyang magswimming ako sa baha. Akala ko makakabuti sa akin ang tubig baha. Akala ko pareho lang yun ng tubig sa swimming pool. Pero hindi pala.

Kung hindi ko sinunod si Mama, hindi ko alam kung anu-anong klaseng sakit ang nakuha ko don. Baka nga patay na ako ngayon.

Parang ganyan din tayo sa Diyos. Marami Siyang ginagawa sa buhay natin na hindi natin maintindihan. Kaya kung minsan, kinekwestyon natin ang Will Niya.

Pero ang hindi natin narerealize, lahat ng ito ay para sa ating ikabubuti. Si Lord pa? The Lord who can bring out the good in every evil has surely a great plan for us.

Bakit ka hirap na hirap sa acads? Baka kasi ipapasa ka Niya ngayong sem. Kailangan mo lang paghirapan ang pagpasa mo.

Bakit hindi ka mayaman? Baka kasi hindi mo naman talaga kailangan ng yaman sa mundo. Baka kasi kung naging mayaman ka, hindi mo Siya makikilala.

Bakit may sakit si ________? Ewan natin, baka way ni Lord yun para mapalapit pa yung may sakit sa Kanya.

Bakit? Bakit? Bakit? Ang dami nating tanong. Hindi naman masamang magtanong, dahil human nature talaga yun.

Pero dapat, pagkatapos ng tanong, may sagot man ang Diyos o wala, ay ang PAGTITIWALA.

Sabi nga ni Bo Sanchez, hindi natin naiintindihan kasi one piece lang ng jigsaw puzzle ang nakikita natin. Kaya parang ang pointless. Pero ang Diyos, nakikita Niya ang buong jigsaw puzzle. Kaya lahat ng bagay ay nangyayari for a reason.

Paano kaya kung hindi ko sinunod si Mama? Kung nagswimming pa rin ako sa baha? Ay hindi ko na alam. Baka nagkasakit na ako at.. at.. at... at ayoko nang isipin dahil kadiri talaga ang tubig baha.

Jesus, I trust in You! God bless us all. :)

LB Times reflections: How God moved me through the presswork (and the entire semester all in all)

Bago ko kunin ang DEVC123 (LB Times), I wondered kung bakit ang dami-daming urban legends ng journ students tungkol dito. Mahirap daw, matrabaho, 8 units, kain-oras, etc. etc.

At ngayon tapos na ang Times, napatunayan ko how true those urban legends are. Totoong mahirap mag-LB Times, pero hindi nito matatawaran ang mga lessons at realizations na na-come up ko dahil sa lahat ng mga naranasan ko. Most of all, I have experienced God's grace, in the good and bad times I experienced during the process.

First challenge para sa amin was to bond and work as a team. Marami kami sa batch compared sa mga dating batch. Doble ang bilang namin. We thought everything would be easy kasi maraming gagawa ng trabaho. Pero kahit ganun, mahirap pa rin pala. Nahirapan kaming i-gather ang isa't isa kasi nga marami kami. Minsan, nagkalituhan din kami sa roles. Pero we were still able to manage everything.

Another challenge was to come up with more than fifty thousand to fund for the printing of the paper. Usaping pera na ito, at I am not that well-off to just give my money away for the paper. Syempre, we had fund raisings c/o the business managers. Personally, na-enjoy ko ang mga FRs na yun. Yung caroling, film showing, selling lunch, at yung iba pa. I didn't think they were work; I just enjoyed the majes' presence and the fact that we were happily doing them together. Masaya naman kasama ang mga yan. Weeee!

Medyo "nawalay" ako sa aking pinakamamahal na org (wala naman akong ibang org dito sa UPLB, hehehe). Execom pa naman ako nung time na yun. I regretted the days na hindi ako maka-attend sa Lisieux. Naisip ko na lang, para sa acads naman 'to, sana naiintindihan nila, at sabi nga ni Kuya Aids, aanhin mo pa yung service mo kay Lord kung napapabayaan mo naman yung iba mong commitment? Ay oo nga naman ano. Sana, pagbalik ko, welcome pa rin ako sa kanila.

I felt bad when my article was killed. At aaminin ko, I cried that night. Ilang ulit kasi naming inulit yun ni Ate Chel (my super partner) pero na-scrap pa din. I didn't blame anyone though. Wala namang may kasalanan dun, sadyang di lang pasok yung content ng article sa theme ng paper. I also felt how the majes struggled to fit the article in, pero hindi talaga kaya. Dilemma sa'kin nun kung pano sasabihin sa partner ko na tanggal na yung article namin. Kaya kay Vicky ko na pinasabi. Ate Chel and I worked on another article, the cover story for the magazine. Sobrang pressure yun samin, kasi cover story yun. Ans personally, I never wanted the spotlight in this issue of LB Times. Sapat na sa akin maging isang humble copyeditor and writer.

Hindi ko alam kung maganda ang kinalabasan ng article namin, but what's done is done. It is already published, along with the articles I know the majormates worked so hard for.

A lot of trying times bombarded my semester. Inisip ko kung paano mapagsasabay-sabay lahat, lalo na ang DEVC124 na isang major subject din. Maraming beses akong hindi natulog magdamag para tapusin ang papers. I tried all means to stay awake, at natuto akong uminom ng energy drink. A lot of people warned me about energy drinks though. Masama daw yun sa katawan. Anung magagawa ko, kung yun lang ang paraan para magising ako?

I held on to Him at some time, pero may mga oras ding parang hindi ko Siya maramdaman. Nung mga oras na haggard na ang lahat sa Times, it seemed that He withheld Himself back. Medyo may "pagtatampo" na din ako nun. The restless days seemed endless. Parang pointless lang lahat ng ginagawa ko. Alam ko na minsan ginagawa Niya yun para i-test ang tao, and I was on the losing end. I lost His test.

Yes, I lost His test of trust and patience. I failed Him many times this semester, but this is the wonderful thing: HE IS GOOD. HE WILL FOREVER BE.

He made me experience His saving grace once again. Nagawa ang article. Nagawa ang layout. Pinaulit-ulit ang revisions, pero in God's most perfect time, we were able to give it to the printing press. Nag-launch. Now it is being circulated. We never wanted it to be this late, but who cares now? We did it. We are just so happy we did.

Kamusta naman ang grades ko? I was able to survive everything. Hindi man CS or HR, pero pumasa pa rin. Wala naman akong kebs ngayon kung mataas ang grades ko o hindi, I am all concerned in the learnings I got from all the hours I spent listening to the teachers. At isa pa, hindi ko na uulitin pa ang mga subjects na yun. Most of all, senior standing na ako!

It is wonderful how God led my life to where it is right now. I never planned to be a Journ major, and to study in UP in the first place. All I wanted was to be a student. But now I realize that something is up for me. He planned it. It is something bigger. And hopefully, it is for His greater glory. I hope that through my life (no matter how imprefect it is), His Name will be glorified.

TRUST. FAITH. HOPE. LOVE. God loves you.

Pag-aalay ng Puso. Pag-aalay ng MUSIKA.

(Posted last Feb 2010)

(I tried hard na gawin itong mala-anecdote, para hindi serious. Pero sadyang seryoso ang na-come up ng utak ko eh.)

Ilang buwan itong pinaghandaan. Maraming luha ang naiiyak ng mga tao. Pero sa kabila ng lahat ng hirap, God's plan still reigned. NATULOY ANG ALAY MUSIKA XXV IMMERSION.

The night before immersion.
1:30 AM na hindi pa ako tulog. Nagtatalo ang utak ko kung magde-data gath pa ako ng 8-10 AM, 10 AM kasi ang calltime ng Lisieux. I texted my partner.

"Jeric, sorry di na talaga kaya ng 8-10 bukas. Sobrang hapit na ng sched eh. Concert na kasi ng Lisieux bukas."
Pumayag naman yung partner ko na siya na lang ang pumunta (pero di din siya nakapunta). Naisip ko, marami pa akong aayusin kay Cabs. Ihahanda ko pa ang mga dadalhin. Isa pa, ayokong humarap sa mga bilanggo na haggard ako.

Anyway, dumating ako sa chapel ng maaga. May Lisieux na. Unti-unting dumami ang mga tao. Nagkantahan. Nagdasal sa PEA. Nagpraktis ang mga soloists. Ooops, bakit natataranta sina Roent, Ninya at Vince? Kinakabahan ako.

Na-appease ako nung pinag-pray kami ni Brother. Kahit papano. Pero malamig pa rin ang kamay ko.

Nasa jeep na. Nag-rosary. Pilit kong sinu-suppress ang kaba. Naki-ipod kay Rich. Pumikit para matulog pero kinakabahan pa rin deep inside.

There we go. Eto na ang Laguna Provincial Jail. Una kong hinanap ang CR. Tapos naglakad na kami. Ang laki pala nito? Nasaan yung mga selda? Ah, ayun. Nakatingin sila sa amin. Yung iba, nakangiti, yung iba, blank stares.

Kinabahan na naman ako.

Preparations. Lunch, make-up, vocalization, casting and binding rites. Fast forward na tayo.

Habang kumakanta, tinitingnan ko ang mga tao. Bakit bukod sa pagpalakpak, eh wala na silang reaksyon? I had this fear na baka wala kaming ma-move. Bakit ganoon? Ganito ba talaga dito?

May nakita ako sa bandang gilid, ate na namumula ang mata. Yes naman, umiyak siya sa O Hesus, Hilumin Mo. Okay! Nice one. Tuloy lang ang pagkanta.

Oo, aaminin ko, hindi perpekto ang pagkanta namin. May mga sablay na notes. Dynamics. Pero mapapansin ba nila yun, kung naka-focus sila sa mensaheng gusto naming ipahatid?

Pumapalakpak sila. Tapos tumatahimik. Hanggang sa huling kanta, ganoon lang ang napansin ko.

Tapos na ang concert proper. Masaya ang ambiance ng paligid. Natuwa sila sa amin. More! More! More! Syempre uto-uto kami, kumanta pa ng mga Lisieux classics. Palakpakan. May nagperform pa para sa amin. Nakakatuwa. Masaya sila sa pagpe-perform para sa amin.

Na-move kaya namin ang mga taong 'to?

Misa na. Personally, inisip kong kasing importante ito nung concert proper. Highest form of prayer ito, right? Okay naman lahat. Mainit sa pwesto ko, pero di pwedeng mawala ang concentration ko dahil doon.

Now, my favorite part. Nakapila kaming pumasok sa mga compound. Nakapila, parang field trip lang. Grabe yung pagwelcome nila sa amin. Pinapasok pa nila kami sa mga selda nila.

Mabababa yung ceiling (?) ng mga selda. Kapag tumayo ka, mahahawakan mo yung ceiling. Masikip din dahil marami silang namamahay doon. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kung ako ang mga taong ito, hindi ko kakayanin dito.

But you know what? Never had I expected the "joy" I felt from the compounds. Were they fronting? Nagpapanggap lang ba silang masaya dahil nandoon kami? Hindi eh. May joy pa rin despite... everything. O baka natuwa sila dahil binisita namin sila? May narinig pa akong bumulong, "Ang babait naman ng mga batang ito.." Pagkarinig ko, naisip ko bigla, Ate, you never know kung gaano kabulok ang pagkatao ko...

Yes, we are simple sinners who received God's grace. And now we are here to spread the good news.

Dalawang bagay ang na-realize ko. Una, I am blessed given the physical freedom to do what I ought to. Pangalawa, they are blessed, given the joy and hope despite where they are.

Na-realize ko kung gaano ako kabulok. Na-realized ko din kung gaano ako ka-blessed.

Joy and hope, meron ba ako nun? Eh konting frustrations lang, nagtatampo na ako sa Diyos? Sila nga, tingnan mo ang kalagayan nila, pero masaya pa rin sila. Eh ako? Sabi ko nga sa'yo, bulok ang pagkatao ko. Kung hindi lang ako anak ng Diyos, I am no good than a trash that needs to be thrown.

We went home with sweet smiles.

Kinagabihan, nakausap ko si Rich. At ang sabi niya, marami daw ang naiyak! Hindi lang namin kita dahil nasa unahan kami. Pero yung mga nasa gilid, kita nila yung mga reaksyon ng mga tao.

So ayun, from my point of view, parang kebs lang sila. Pero hindi naman pala. At bigla kong naisip, yung mga umiiyak lang ba ang na-move? We never know. We can never measure if we move hearts, or if God moves hearts through us. GOD KNOWS. We just have to follow His will.

Ilang araw na lang at isa pang laban ang haharapin. Restage naman. Now it's a different approach. The UPLB is a different battlefield.

Pero kakayanin natin!

Prayers at matinding preparations ang kailangan.

Ora et labora!

Salamat, Panginoon, sa paggamit Mo sa mga tinig namin.

Bloody.

Our ministry had a blood drive last year, on Valentines day. Talk about giving love! This was my funny kwento.

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Dahil Lisieux ako, tumulong ako sa Blood Drive na outreach activity namin in cooperation with PGH. Hindi ako nakapag-donate ng dugo dahil 5am na ako natulog (asus! daming dahilan. takot ka lang eh!) at baka lalo lang magkasakit ang taong sasalinan ko ng dugo, kasalanan ko pa. Hehehehe.

Para makatulong naman kahit pano, namigay ako ng flyers with Ate Dyn and Roent (may iba pa yata, di ko alam). Para sa pagpo-promote man lang ay may maiambag ako. Sa pamimigay ko, iba't ibang klaseng tao ang nakasalamuha ko.

Iba't ibang mukha. Iba't ibang reaksyon. Iba't ibang pagtanggap (at pagtanggi).
Eto ang ilang tagpo sa pamimigay ko ng flyer. di naman ganun kasakto yung mga sinabi, pero parang ganyan din.

SCENE 1:
Mich: (smiling) Blood Drive po, ongoing po ngayon!
Ate: Ahkei.
(ok pa to. wala lang. tipikal na pagkuha)

SCENE 2:
"Blood Drive po, ongoing po ngayon!"
"Ui maraming salamat ah!"
(nice! ang laki ng utang na loob mo sakin? hehehe. enwei, nakakatuwa siya.)

SCENE 3:
"Blood drive po, punta po tayo!"
"Ay hindi hindi hindi!" (nakasimangot)
(fine. =[ )

SCENE 4:
"..."
(nakita pa lang akong may hawak na flyer, umiwas na. wala naman akong virus kuya.)

SCENE 5:
"Blood drive po!"
"Ay Jehovah kami. Sorry."
(ok. respect ko na lang paniniwala nina ate.)

SCENE 6:
Mich: Blood drive po sa... (di na natuloy. nakita ang malalaki at maiitim na tattoo ni kuya. bawal magdonate pag ganun, diba?)

SCENE 7:
Mich: Blood drive po!
Paulo: Ay tapos na ko, eto oh. (pinakita yung arm)
Mich: Wow, nice! Thank you kuya! God bless you!
(kinagabihan, nalaman kong instumentalist pala siya ng Alay Musika XXV. Great!)

SCENE 8:
Mich: Blood drive po!
Ate: (nakangiti, tinitigan lang ako pero hindi kinuha yung flyer)
(gusto mo ba talaga te o ayaw mo?)

SCENE 9:
Mich: (papalapit)
Kuya: (ang sama ng tingin.. para akong mamamatay-tao)
Mich: *wag na lang nga*

SCENE 10:
Mich: Blood drive po!
Mga kuya: Ay, ito ba yung sa Lisieux? Tapos na ako eh, pero yung mga friends ko susunod daw sila mamaya!
Mich: =)

SCENE 11:
Mich: (papalapit pa lang)
Kuya sa Vega: Anu yan? Anu yan ah? Anu yan?
(teka lang kuya ha ieexplain ko naman eh.)

SCENE 12:
Mich: Blood drive po!
Mga ate at kuya: Ay meron na. (flyer)
(kasabay ko rin kasi mamigay sina ate Dyn at Roent)

SCENE 13: (peyborit ko to!)
Mich: Blood drive po!
Mga students: Ay saan to? Pano pag 17 pa lang ako? pano pag 46 kilos lang? anung kailangan gawin? masakit ba? (at kung anu-ano pang tanong na hindi ko naman masagot)
Mich: Ah eh....... may doktor naman don. hihi.



Nakakatuwa na 58 bags ang nakalap ng blood drive na yun. Kahit kasabay namin ang red cross, at kahit may kumain ng tarp namin sa CHE, nakarami pa rin. Salamat! Sa susunod ulit na blood drive. All for God's glory. =)

Miracles do happen. Really.

(I posted this blog two years ago, when I was taking stat1. Fast forward to now, I am still thankful that He let me pass that course. Gloria in excelsis Deo!)

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I should write a blog about something wonderful that happened to me last night. I just encountered another miracle from the Maker of all miracles.

I have been telling people how I struggle to pass the quizzes and exercises in STAT1. I admit I really am confused with all the lessons. Math is my weakness and it shows in the results of my quizzes in the course.

I often endure sleepless nights to catch up with the discussions. I review my notes during my break. There were times when I would stay up all night to answer the exercises in advance, because I know I would be struggling again in the lab. But then, It seemed that all my efforts were wasted when Ma'am Krizzy would give a quiz and I would find myself still puzzled on how to solve the problem sets. The thought that I stayed up all night for just another failed quiz saddened me.

If the results of my exercises and quizzes are to be computed right now, I know and I am sure I would get a failing standing. This is in spite of all the efforts I exert.

So there. Last night, I was alone in my room in the dormitory. I thought of all my struggles and the pain they inflict me. I broke down. I cried so hard I couldn't stand the frustration. I texted some friends and they said they would pray for me at that moment. I was talking loudly to the Lord. Why are all my efforts wasted? Why can't I understand the concepts? Why do I have to take this course? Why have You brought me into this when You know I can't get through it? Those were the why's I kept on asking Him. I felt miserable. I was tempted to think that I was all alone in the journey.

Then my eyes moved toward the shelf... a Bible. I lifted my hands and found myself opening it. I was searching for answers. And I know He gave it to me at that very moment.

The pages turned to Sirach 2:2-6. I understood what He wanted to tell me. I cried again, not with bitter tears, but with tears of joy - joy that I found after He appeased me.

Sirach 2:2-6
My son, when you come to serve the LORD, prepare yourself for trials.
Be sincere of heart and steadfast, undisturbed in time of adversity.
Cling to him, forsake him not; thus will your future be great.
Accept whatever befalls you, in crushing misfortune be patient;
For in fire gold is tested, and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation. Trust God and he will help you; make straight your ways and hope in him.

I SUPER cried while reading the passage. I suddenly realized why I became miserable. I failed to trust Him. I relied on my own. I thought it was my battle alone. I didn't realize that I can't make it if I don't turn to Him.

So there. I found new hope. It is not too late! I will do my best and I will lift up everything to Him. The Lord is now my teammate! And with Him as my Shepherd, I will never wander. ü

Thanks be to God! ♥

From now on, this blogger site will be filled!

Yes, I'll be updating it from now on. :)

Let's spread the good news. :)