Sorry, this is a deviant post.

A few years ago, I would cry to my friends whenever I had trials.

I would weep. Wail. Throw stuff (such as tissue or dried leaf, anything that's soft so it won't damage anything). Cry myself to sleep. Yes, that was how childish I was.

But now, I have changed. As I grew older, I learned to keep it all inside.

But I also learned another thing: write about it to ease my feelings. And for others to learn something from it.

I could only explicitly kwento the whole details to my long trusted friends.

Now the reason why I am writing now is to let it all out again. Yes, I've been struggling with life these past few days. Money is hard. Relationships are stained. Even my relationship with Him. With the One I used to earnestly write about.

I cannot relay the entire situation here. My life is not supposed to be an open book. Besides, I intended this blogsite to express my love for God and my desire for everyone to know Him. This site cannot be my diary.

But for a change, please bear with me; I just don't know where on earth could I release it all.

I WANT TO DIE. I want all my problems to end.

But of course, that won't happen. I will never ever take my life. I do not have the right.

So I leave it up to Him. Lord, I know my trust in You is so weak and my love is so frail. But please help me. Please. I cannot handle this anymore.

In the end, may His Name be glorified. Et nunc, et semper, in secula seculorum! Amen!