Kaya ko naman.

Kaya kong mabuhay nang wala ka.

Kayang kaya kong mabuhay nang wala ka
Hindi nga lang masaya.
Pero kaya ko naman.
Pero hindi masaya.
Para lang akong isang bulaklak
Na minalas na tumubo
Sa malilim na dako ng mundo,

Sa ilalim ng mga bato.
Mabubuhay naman ito
Kahit wala ang sikat ng araw
Yun nga lang, hindi ito tatayog

Lalaki itong matamlay,
At yuyuko ito hamambuhay
Gaya ng pagyuko ko
Simula noong araw na nawala ka.

Kaya kong mabuhay nang wala ka
Kaya ko, hindi nga lang masigla
Pero kaya ko naman.
Pero hindi masigla.
Para lang akong isang bata
Na nalulungkot sa loob ng bahay

Dahil di maubos-ubos ang ulan.

Nakadungaw lang ito sa bintana,

Naghihintay na magliwanag.

Parang ako ang batang ito
Na nabubuhay sa paghiling
Na tumila ang sana ang bagyo —
Ang walang katapusang bagyo —
Noong nawala ka sa buhay ko.

Kaya kong mabuhay nang wala ka
May buhay pa rin ako, pero walang halaga
Pero may buhay pa rin.
Wala nga lang halaga.
Para lang akong kung sino man siya
Na bumubungad sa akin
Sa harap ng salamin.
Nabubuhay naman siya,
Kumakain, natutulog, pumapasok,

Buhay, pero walang halaga.

At hindi ko siya kilala.

Dahil ang kilala kong siya
Ay yung pagkatao niya
Noong hindi ka pa nawawala sa buhay niya.

Kaya kong mabuhay nang wala ka
Pero hindi masaya.
Kaya kong wala ka sa araw-araw
Pero walang sigla.
Pero kaya ko namang mawala ka.
Yun nga lang, wala nang halaga.

At kaya kong mabuhay nang wala ka
Pero habambuhay akong hihiling

Na sana,

Sana,

Sana,

Hindi ka na lang nawala.

I Lived - OneRepublic

In one of the episodes of the series Red Band Society, the main character, Jordi was about to undergo an operation to amputate his leg due to complications of his disease. On that scene we hear this song play on the background -- what a creative use of the lyrics "With every broken bone, I swear I lived."

Such an empowering song.

Check the video (which is even more inspiring) here: http://youtu.be/z0rxydSolwU

I believe in you.

You are again at yet another crossroad of your relationship: the part where you are mad at her and faced with two things — to forgive her and get over it, or to forget her and really get over it.

This crossroad is a tough one, for it predestines what your fate will be for the next couple of days/weeks/months. It determines what your emotional state will be, what your actions will be, and weather you will be alone on Saturday nights. Heck, it would even determine what your meals will be.

You are so used to this cycle you are caught up in. It happens so certain and frequent that a pattern has emerged — you and she become so attached to each other, get mad at something (big or small, it doesn’t matter), not keep in touch for a time, miss each other, keep in touch again, become attached to each other again, and repeat. It’s a vicious cycle that, admit it, honestly eats up all the hell out of you.

It’s a vicious cycle you know you must break. Unfortunately, this cycle is sort of a black hole  — it sucks you right back to it in an inescapable force. It is a real struggle to get out of this whirl. Srsly. How do you even.

It’s hard because at the back of your head, you have this lunatic notion that the cycle will somehow evolve. There is a lingering feeling, no matter how minute, that the situation will change for the better. You think that, maybe this time, things between you and her will be okay.

Simply put, you are still hoping. But dear, I want you to stop hoping. This, I’m afraid to tell, is a vicious cycle so hurtful that no one emerges from it victorious. In this cycle, no one wins. No matter how great things seem to be, no matter how close you think you are to ‘seeing better days with her’, it shall always go back to the cycle it has always been. There’s no escaping this. You and she will always be apart, together, apart again, together again until one or both get tired.

The cycle will not magically evolve. The situation will not change for the better. There is no ‘maybe this time’, there will be no room for another time.

The cycle will not end unless you ruthlessly snap yourself out of it. And how do you do that? It’s an enormous feat, but boy the rewards are glorious. It takes tons of fortitude to even begin to let go of such a love. Many tears will be shed, and it may take a long time to heal, so brace yourself. But the only way to break the cycle is to get out of it, isolate yourself far from it, no matter how painful, no matter how seemingly impossible.

You can do this. You have done this before. You have triumphed over far tougher situations, and this one is no different. It may seem too hard for you, for you are so attached…but you have detached yourself from various people before and you made it. This is no different. It's time to break the cycle. You can do it. I believe in you.

Walang forever?

Walang forever.

Lately I’ve been saying that often. I say it when I see lovers whose sweetness breaks the point of utter saturation; I say it when I hear cheesy lines in stories that are too good to be true; I say it when I see scenes of lovers in movies that are so cringe-worthy they hurt my eyebrows already.

Walang forever. People who hear it from me always tell me how bitter I am. They tend to claim I am humu-hugot (I tried to translate it in english but I realize there is no such term. Oh, the Filipino culture.). They say I am too negative or hopeless. I wish I could agree to them...

When I say walang forever, let it be known to you that it is a lie. Or that I am kidding. Of course I believe in forever. I’ve always believed in forever. It’s been my default setting. I say walang forever a lot, but only for satirical purposes. Just for fun! I know that phrase has been used far and wide these days, but I know not whether people imbibe it in their mindset for real (I hope they don't).

In fact, walang forever is a school of thought one shouldn’t subscribe to. The amount of negativity in this statement is too damn high that there is no room for hope. This phrase seems to flush all possibilities of love (and yes, a happy ending) out the window. Who says love and happy endings don’t exist? And if you do, how long have you been living under a rock?

Perhaps what people got tired of is not love itself, but the overly ideal, unrealistic kind of love that the media has been portraying. Perhaps they got frustrated by the fact that their love stories in real life are not like the ones they see in movies. Or perhaps they just know that in real life, there is pain in love, as opposed to the all-sweet and perfect story that many television shows suggest. It leads them to conclude walang forever in real life.

But as one quote (?) I saw in a social media site says, “Walang forever? Ano ba tingin mo sa lolo at lola natin? Friends with benefits?” Quite sarcastic, pero may point! We may have lost a loved one or had a bad experience in love, but saying walang forever because of that is inconclusive and downright preposterous.

We tend to forget those who have succeeded in love, those who hope in love, and those who continue to love, with all the pain and troubles attached to it. If we have a tally of people who succeeded in love and those who didn’t, I bet the former shall outnumber the latter. Big time. I know it, because I’m a believer of love — not the crappy, nauseating kind we see in movies, but the one that is true, happy, blissful, painful, troublesome, and uncertain. This is the perfect kind of love that no amount of cheesiness in movies can top. This love debunks walang forever. This love is the real forever.

 

______________ 

"Whoever fails to love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:8

Why would I?

You.

You who treat me never as a priority but only as an option.

You who think of me only in your spare time.

You who would talk to me only when you have no one to talk to.

And you who would, every single time, put me in the bottom of your list.

Why would I settle for you?

Why would I take your love that’s nothing but leftovers for me?

Why would I go for your love that gives me second best?

Why would I be content with your offering that's only half a heart?

Why would I spend my entire time with you, who spends just what’s left of it with me?



When I am worth far more than the dirtbag you make me feel like,

When, despite my imperfections, I deserve to be given due value,

When all you can give me is the faintest kind of love,

Why would I settle for you?

Why the heck would I settle for you?

Ang cycle na papatay sa'yo.

1. I-convince ang sarili na "Magmo-move on na talaga ako, for real this time."

2. Putulin lahat ng means of communication sa kanya.

3. Iwasan siya.

4. Patagalin ng ilang araw, linggo o buwan (kung kaya mo) ang pag-iiwasan.

5. Ma-miss siya.

6. Umabot sa puntong napakasakit na yung pagka-miss mo sa kanya.

7. Dahil 'di ka na makatiis, i-text o chat siya ng "Kumusta? I hope you're doing fine."

8. Dahil magre-reply siya, asahang magiging textmates o chatmates na ulit kayo.

9. Magtantyahan kung kaya pang ibalik ang dating samahan. Kahit "as friends" lang.

10. Dahil okey naman kayo magiging close na kayo ulit "as friends".

11. Masaktan dahil malalamang may nilalandi siyang iba.

12. Umiyak at malungkot buong araw dahil akala mo, okey na okey kayo.

13. I-convince ang sarili na "Magmo-move on na talaga ako, for real this time."

14. Putulin lahat ng means of communication sa kanya.

15. Iwasan siya.

16. Patagalin ng ilang araw, linggo o buwan (kung kaya mo) ang pag-iiwasan.

17. Ma-miss siya.

18. Umabot sa puntong napakasakit na yung pagka-miss mo sa kanya.

19. Dahil 'di ka na makatiis, i-text o chat siya ng simpleng "Kumusta? I hope you're doing fine."

20. Dahil magre-reply siya, asahang magiging textmates o chatmates na ulit kayo.

21. Magtantyahan kung kaya pang ibalik ang dating samahan. Kahit "as friends" lang.

22. Dahil okey magiging close na kayo ulit "as friends".

23. Masaktan dahil malalamang may nilalandi siyang iba.

24. Umiyak at malungkot buong araw dahil akala mo, okey na okey kayo.

25. I-convince ang sarili na "Magmo-move on na talaga ako, for real this time."

Go back to number 1 and repeat until you die.

Inalayan ko ng awit ang isang matanda.

Inalayan ko ng awit ang isang matanda
Linggo ng hapon noon at wala ‘kong magawa
Niyakap niya ako ng ubod ng diin
Sabi’y malaking bagay ang nagawa mo sa’kin.

Inalayan ko ng awit ang isang matanda
Para hindi siya maghapong nakatulala
Kahit nagkagulo-gulo at wala sa tono
Ang saya ni lola ay kitang kita ko.

Inalayan ko ng awit ang isang matanda
Bilang munti lamang na kawanggawa
Akala ko naman ito’y walang epekto
Pero pinasaya ko daw pala kanyang mundo.

Inalayan ko ng awit ang isang matanda
Kahit ang awit ay palasak na sa iba
Payak at kay ikli lang ng awit na dala
Ngunit kahit ito ay makahihilom din pala.

Inalayan ko ng awit ang isang matanda
Ang kapalit ay sobra-sobra namang pagpapala
Dahil noong sinubukan kong dalhin siya kay Kristo

Ako ay dinala niya kay Kristo rin mismo.