Love will find a way.

“Love will find a way.”

I heard it this morning in a song. In fact we hear this so many times in so many songs. And yes, I do believe in this cliche.

I believe that love is always a verb rather than a noun; that if we love a person, there must always be a corresponding action that will show that love. Thus, if you say you love me but treat me like a dirtbag, then I’d have a hundred reasons to doubt that love.

Love finds a way. Do take note that it is ‘love’ that finds the way, not the universe, not fate, not your friend, not everyone else. It’s all up to you, how great your love is for that person. If you love her or him, you will find a way. The universe will not find a way and magically bring you to the one you love, as if it owes it to us. Because really, it doesn’t.

Love translates to action all the time. A parent who works 24/7 to send his son to college, a mother who does all the chores, a friend who does a favor way too inconvenient for himself… These are all love in action. Even if they don’t say it, their actions do all the talking. And this is the best kind of love, way better than any euphoric love you can possibly experience. This is the kind of love that actually finds a way.

Okay, I know you’ve heard all this before, but sometimes we tend to forget. And so let me find a way for you to remember. :)

Burning bridges.

(This poem was written while OneRepublic’s Burning Bridges was looped on my playlist.)

There are bridges I must cross
There are bridges I must burn
There’ll be pain and there’ll be loss
But I must keep still my stern

There are bridges I must take
There are some I must forsake
Though this bridge is hard to shake
My heart’s welfare is at stake

Some bridges are for keeping
And some are for forgetting
For if I stay here hanging
Then I shall end up falling

Farewell, then, I set afire
This bridge that must now retire
For this bridge I long desire
It shall leave a scar so dire

Meh.

If there’s one word to describe this day, it’s “meh.”

“Meh” is probably the common existing apathetic expression there is. Meh is pokerface. Meh is lukewarm, passive, tepid. The closest Filipino expression to “meh” is probably “lakompake.”

I like happy days. I dread sad days. I look forward to exciting days. But meh days? I don’t know what to do with them, such as this one. While I edit, I write a poem, listen to music, eat, text, chat a little, and “sing a sad song just to turn it around.” But nothing. It’s still meh. And honestly, this sucks more than the sad days I already cower at. For in sad days I actually feel something -- yes, it's sad, but that feeling indicates I still have a heart that beats; whilst in meh days I feel just…meh. Indifferent. Like a robot, but even less interesting.

Does this make sense? Do you feel the same as I do, or am I just meh-ing the crap out of you?

Meh.

Back home.

No matter where I go, I always come back to you. No matter where I flee, I always end up with you.

Ever since I've been with you, you had been a staple entity in my life. My activities somehow revolved around you. I have identified myself as always with you. And at one point, I have considered you a factor in deciding my future plans.

But life circumstances are bound to keep us apart.

Thus, I suffered a severe separation anxiety when I parted myself from you. I always thought about you, kept in touch with you as often as I could, and wished I was right there with you. I would close my eyes and wished there was a time machine, or a teleportation device that would bring me to where you are.

I thought that, now that I am alone again, it would be hard for me to establish another identity apart from you. And sure it was damn hard.

Thank God I made it through that pace. I was able to find myself, to make friends outside our circle, and to cut my severe attachment. I finally learned to live my life apart from you.

But in my heart, there will always be a special place for you. For when I feel weary and lost, it is in you that I find refuge. When I seem to be out of tune with myself, I seek you, and I am reminded of who I am again.

There are times when I fail to keep in touch, but never forget that you are always part of my being, seeped down to my very core.

You are my sanctuary. I will leave, find myself in places far and wide — but you will always call me, and I will always come back home to you.

    Di kita malilimutan, lagi kitang babalikan.

On living under a rock.

I am one of those freaks of nature without a Facebook account. I deactivated it October last year.

This decision is quite a big deal for me; this is the only connection I have with many people. This is where I get updates about my social affiliations. This is where I chat my distant relatives and friends. And this is where I greet people on their birthdays.

Heck, my dad even joined Facebook after I deactivated mine. I haven’t added him as a friend yet.

For personal reasons, I decided to quit it for a while. But as time went by, other practical reasons for not maintaining an FB account began to surface. I started to enjoy its benefits. And TBH, it can be tempting to never activate it again.

Ignorance is bliss. Without a Facebook account, I  stopped being updated on what my friends do. But do I really need to know what food they ate, what they wore to work, what beach they traveled to, or what someone said to someone? I honestly have better things to do.

I know that I’m missing on a lot of major news, like announcements of engagements, break-ups, passings, pregnancies, or epiphanic life changes; but there is also an up-side to that. Each time a friend tells me news about other friends that I hadn’t known yet, I’m so thrilled to hear it. And it makes me glad that the news is told to me personally, and not through the Facebook wall. Screw it if I’m the last to know! When it comes to hearing news like this, having a friend tell it to your face is way better.

There’s something about personal human interaction that no amount of social media usage can achieve. Without a Facebook account I feel closer to a number of friends, who kept connected to me using other means of communication. And those friendships are stronger than ever.

Before, I spent a great deal of time checking my Facebook account. I could go on hours just scrolling. But without Facebook, I can do more worthwhile things with my time. I also got to manage other accounts like Twitter, and discover other places in the Internet such as Buzzfeed, Thought Catalog, The Soshal Network, and israelmekaniko’s Tumblr account (I don’t agree with everything the guy says, but his posts are funny).

On Facebook, everyone knows what’s up with everyone. In a weird way, without an FB account I got to enjoy my privacy on a whole new level (feeling artista? charot!). I find comfort knowing that no nosy person can stalk me (at least on Facebook). I do not feel the need, nor do I feel obligated to tell the world everything about my life anyway.

However, if there’s one sad thing about this, it’s defying my natural urge to communicate, and to communicate through a powerful venue like Facebook. Though I like to keep most of my life private lately, sometimes I have stuff I am eager to share too, like when I have realizations about certain things. In these times I miss Facebook terribly, so I post it in other sites like Twitter and my blog. But at the back of my head, I know it’d have reached more people if it were posted on Facebook. It’s sad, I know, but it makes me learn to snoop around other places in the Internet. Because as we know, Facebook is not everything. Okay?

Some close friends continue asking me to go back. They keep telling me news and events I miss. One even had a hashtag #MichBumalikKaNaSaFBPlease (lol haha). I keep telling them I would come back soon.

I would, but probably not now.

Because so far, life is good without Facebook.

Welcome back!

Hello! As you know, for personal reasons I decided to take a hibernation period in the blog, and subsequently, in the social media.

The quiet time has been beneficial on my welfare and the sanity of my soul. Now here I am, still struggling and barely alive, but nonetheless surviving.

Since it's Easter, a time for new beginnings and joyous celebrations, I, too, am coming back from the dead. And so, I re-launch (what? haha) this blog. Its mission's remains the same and will never change -- ad majorem Dei gloriam. For the greater glory of God.

Welcome back to the world of blogging, self! :)