I'll come back.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye.

The Call, Regina Spektor

Glenda.

You came and passed by quite swiftly,
Leaving everything in a mess.
But here's one thing you probably missed:
You left my heart in such distress.

Your winds and rain swept humble homes,
Our toughness were tried and tested.
But when you left, I looked within:
My heart is just as wretched.

I wish you took the rains with you
The storm that is inside of me.
For when the calm finally came,
My heart still storms unceasingly.

There is a rain that never ends,
This great deluge I fight within.
Take me with you, and then leave me
Where all of the sunshine has been.

Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?

If what you said is true, that you will never leave me in my time of tribulation, then where are you at this moment when I need you the most? You assured me that you will never forsake me, but in these lowest points of my life, I long for your presence but I find you nowhere. I continually hold on to your promise that we will face this together, but so far, I feel like it has been just me all along. Where are you? I cannot feel you. Where are you when I need you the most?

A TFIOS reference.

I thought the college fling that I had was my ten.

But now I realize, that was only a nine.

THIS is the ten.

Just nothing.

Forgive me for posting about nothing.

Because I am so afraid to write these days. If I write, I am gonna cry. Like what I have been going through these past few weeks.

I am such an emotional wreck, but I do hope I'm going to survive this.

Yes, I AM going to survive this. I just need time.

Prayers. I need your prayers.



The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. Psalm 34:18

Red and Black.

Some snippets of "Red and Black" that totally capture my thoughts:

"The time is near, so near it's stirring the blood in (my) veins."

"A ghost you say, a ghost maybe
(He) was just like a ghost to me.
One minute there, and (he) was gone."

"Red, a world about to dawn.
Black, the night that ends at last."

"Had you seen (him) today, you might know how it feels
To be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight.
Had you been there, you might also have known
How the world may be changed in just one burst of light,
And what was right seems wrong, and what was wrong seems right."

"Red, I feel my soul on fire.
Black, my world if (he)'s not there.
Red, the color of desire.
Black, the color of despair."

"But now there is a higher call. Who cares about (my) lonely soul?
We strive towards a greater goal.
Our little lives don't count at all."

A mirror.

"People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person that brings you to your attention so you can change your life. A true soulmate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soulmate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life."

-- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Eloquently said, and true in so many levels.