Drawing the line.

 I can't seem to draw the line between getting more mature and losing the zeal in life.

At times I find myself getting unexcited by the things I would have been excited about if I were seventeen. I seldom laugh my heart out, cry my heart out, get surprised and scared. A few years back, I would have been easily moved. But now, at times I find myself disinterested, tepid, noncommital, grouchy, unenthusiastic and downright apathetic. It's almost as if I'm a walking zombie.

Maturity and lukewarmness in life seem mixed-up to me; honestly, I don't know how to draw the line. How do I know if my eagerness in life is still here? How do I make sure I'm getting "more mature", but without losing my youthfulness?

What if I just don't notice it, but in my pursuit of maturity, I have already missed the fervor of life? What if in my efforts to blend in with the world of grown-ups, I have left the youth in me? What if trying hard to survive as an adult, I have killed my inner child?

Have I gotten too exhausted with figuring out the intricacies of life, that I failed to enjoy its simplicity? Have I been earnestly chasing money and career and identity, but in the midst of it all, left behind the joy of the chase? Have I been awfully old at heart? Have I turned bitter and terrible?

I want to get in touch again with the naive, carefree, childlike part of me; that part of me seems sound asleep. I wish to bring back the zeal and the joy. I want to wake up with no worries about what will happen today. I want to laugh until I hurt my belly; I want to cry for the silliest reasons; I want to yell my lungs out at the slightest startle... just like how I was a few years back.

But at the same time, I wish to retain the wisdom of growing up I have gained. I want to remain calm and composed; I want to be sturdy in adversities; I want to be in control; I want to be in charge. I wish to remain mature, sensible and sagacious.

Is it possible to grow yet un-grow? Can I mature and yet remain a child? Can I become one and still be the other? Can I get the best of both worlds?

My dear friends, help me draw the line. The grown-up part in me says it is but a little bother, but the child in me says that the sorrow stings like hell.

The unsolicited gift (2)

Is there some level of truth to the movie Inception? Probably. The fact that ideas can be planted in one's mind while one is asleep cannot be true for humans (at least for now), but it is true and possible with God.

God pre-planted the idea of Himself in the mind of everybody. Whether He did it while we were asleep or while we were in our mother's womb or in some other instance, we cannot know. But the only certain thing is this: the idea of God is deeply planted in our instincts since the dawn of time.

Why is it necessary for God to pre-plant this idea in us? Why are we the only species that possesses this concept of God? Why didn't He plant it in the minds of animals and other organisms? I can think of only one reason: humans have a special purpose to serve, and this "God instinct" serves as our compass in life.

This God instinct must be the guiding concept that humans need to navigate through the complexities of life. It does not mean that humans are just supposed to blindly follow this intuition of God, or the "I feel that God exists, therefore He does" attitude; rather, it pushes man to seek the Truth about God, in order that God may reveal Himself to him.

In reality, we would not have known God if it were not His initiative to reveal Himself to us. The greatness, majesty and glory of God (not to mention His three divine Persons) are too mind-boggling and overwhelming for humans to comprehend; this is one limitation of the small chunk of meat in our heads. Simply put, we cannot fathom Him in all His fullness, even if we combine all our minds together.

But in retrospect, the story did not stop there. He did not intend His children to be forever puzzled whether or not there is a God; He did not intend to surprise us when we die and say "Voila! I do exist!"; He did not leave us orphans by hiding His face to humanity. God is not just a God of all majesty and grandeur; He is, above all, The God of Love. God is a God who reveals himself. And so in order for man to love God, he ought to know Him first. "God is not ashamed to be called their God; indeed, he has prepared a city for them" (Heb 11:16).

It is for this reason that God revealed Himself to man through the course of time, as attested by the heroes of our faith in the old and new testaments. From generation to generation, God made a gradual revelation of Himself. All our brethren in the Old Testament - Adam to Noah, to Abraham, to Isaac and Jacob, to David, to Isaiah, and then on and on to John the Baptizer... laid down and foreshadowed the God, the Messiah who is to come. In the fullness of time, this revelation of His being was finally consummated - through Jesus Christ, the Second Person of the Triune God. "But when the fullness of time came, God sent his Son. He came born of woman and subject to the Law " (Galatians 4:4). In that perfect moment, He came down on earth, humbled Himself by being born on a manger, lived in silence, preached, healed, made miracles, and finally, allowed some rude men to pierce His hands and feet.

After Christ's time, the fullness of God has been unveiled; now we cannot say anymore that God is anonymous to us and that He cannot relate to us (or we to Him). It is He Himself who made the Spirit truly alive. Now God has revealed His face; now Spirit and matter are in harmony. "In him and under him God wanted to unite, when the fullness of time had come, everything in heaven and on earth" (Ephesians 1:10).

And so this is the overwhelming Truth (with a bold and loud capital T) that He has revealed to us. It is so comforting to think that He (in human terms) "went through all the hassle" in order to save a race that is called humanity. This Truth is almost unfathomable, indeed a mysterium fidei (mystery of faith). Only when we let the Spirit lead us where He wills shall we fully understand His mystery; only when we give in to this idea He "incepted" to us shall we find purpose and everlasting joy.


"Faith is the assurance of the things hoped for,the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)

The unsolicited gift.

Humans are skeptical beings. They tend to find empirical evidence before believing in something, and that evidence must be verified a couple more times before its authenticity is validated.

The concept of Faith seems foolish to man. It defies man's tendencies: to find evidences they can see or touch, to appear 'rational' to others, and to succumb to a higher Authority (which he does not even see!). To some people, this act of succumbing is the deal-breaker; the concept of a higher Authority whom they must follow seems unthinkable to them that they are left with only one choice: to deny His existence and live as a soulless being who shall perish with the world.

Therefore, Faith must be something divine. We will not be capable of having Faith if this Faith is not given by God Himself. Faith is not something we "struggle" to acquire; it is an unanticipated, unsolicited, and at most times, undeserved gift. If we have even a little flicker of this gift, we remain connected to God.

Man has always thirsted for a genesis - an explanation on how things, including himself, came to be. He is boggled by the past and the future. And even if he does not know it, and no matter how hard he denies it, his mind shall forever brew this idea that there must be a higher Authority.

The only way to quench this thirst of God is to surrender to it; otherwise, you will get tired of running away from the Truth. This very act of acknowledging His Lordship is the first step to Faith. This is the first of the thousand steps in your relationship to God. This relationship, when nurtured, shall consume your being, greater and greater until this relationship becomes all that matters to you. It shall matter the most, and it should, because in reality, it is indeed the only thing that matters in the end.

While you constantly resist the Authority, you reject the gift of Faith that He had long sewn in your heart. Only by acknowledging His Lordship shall the thirst of the purpose of life be quenched; only by submitting to Him shall one become at peace with the present, past and future. For while a great part of man denies this submission to God, there is a small, whispering part of him that longs for this submission.

With this note, let me share with you a beautiful excerpt from the Catechism of the Catholic Church, which so wonderfully summarizes this blog:

27 The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for:

The dignity of man rests above all on the fact that he is called to communion with God. This invitation to converse with God is addressed to man as soon as he comes into being. For if man exists it is because God has created him through love, and through love continues to hold him in existence. He cannot live fully according to truth unless he freely acknowledges that love and entrusts himself to his creator.

28 In many ways, throughout history down to the present day, men have given expression to their quest for God in their religious beliefs and behavior: in their prayers, sacrifices, rituals, meditations, and so forth. These forms of religious expression, despite the ambiguities they often bring with them, are so universal that one may well call man a religious being:

From one ancestor [God] made all nations to inhabit the whole earth, and he allotted the times of their existence and the boundaries of the places where they would live, so that they would search for God and perhaps grope for him and find him - though indeed he is not far from each one of us. For "in him we live and move and have our being."

29 But this "intimate and vital bond of man to God" (GS 19 § 1) can be forgotten, overlooked, or even explicitly rejected by man.3 Such attitudes can have different causes: revolt against evil in the world; religious ignorance or indifference; the cares and riches of this world; the scandal of bad example on the part of believers; currents of thought hostile to religion; finally, that attitude of sinful man which makes him hide from God out of fear and flee his call.

30 "Let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice." Although man can forget God or reject him, He never ceases to call every man to seek him, so as to find life and happiness. But this search for God demands of man every effort of intellect, a sound will, "an upright heart", as well as the witness of others who teach him to seek God.

You are great, O Lord, and greatly to be praised: great is your power and your wisdom is without measure. And man, so small a part of your creation, wants to praise you: this man, though clothed with mortality and bearing the evidence of sin and the proof that you withstand the proud. Despite everything, man, though but a small a part of your creation, wants to praise you. You yourself encourage him to delight in your praise, for you have made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.

_______________________________

(This blog is inspired by the latest encyclical of our Holy Fathers, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI and Pope Francis, Lumen Fidei. I cannot describe how deeply moved I am by their writing. Read the encyclical here.)

Confesion

Señor, yo llevo cansado

El corazon de sojoñar,

Y tan lejos me han llevedo

Los ensueños y mi andar,

Que el polvo de mis caminos

Me impide ya caminar.

Panginoon, pagal na ang

puso ko sa pangangarap

Taglay itong mithiin

Sa aking paglalakad

Malayo na ang narating.

At ang alikabok nitong dinaanan

Ay naging balakid sa landas ng tinahak.

-Adelina Gurrea Monasterio, Confesion

Humbled and thankful.

Posted this on fb a few weeks ago:

People who loathe the Catholic Church focus on the sinfulness of her people - the sinful clergy, the erring laity, the lukewarm community. On the other hand, people who love the Catholic Church see beyond her members; their focus is the Head, Jesus Christ, who is "behind the power" of the Church and, despite the sinfulness of her members, kept her free from doctrinal errors.

Being a member of this Church is a humbling act. Forever, you are scorned by the world and labeled as sinful; and indeed, you are. But it is through admitting our sinful nature that God's grace shall abound more in us. "Healthy people don't need a doctor, but sick people do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners." (Mark 2:17)

True story.

On martyrdom of the saints:

Reading the lives of the martyred saints always gives me goosebumps. I can imagine the devil say: "Man, I thought I could silence the Holy Spirit by putting threat into the lives of these poor followers, but dammit, they are so willing to die for their faith!"

Now I can make the sign of the Cross, attend Mass, and say 'I worship Jesus!' without fear of being crucified or fed to the lions. And for this, I am eternally thankful to these martyrs for dying for the faith, the faith I am now free to enjoy.

This is why the Church, despite all odds, managed to stand, firm and stronger than ever, for two thousand years and more - "Ang nagdilig sa Simbahan ay dugo ng mga martir."

True story, bro.

Coincidences.

Tue,May 7,2013

Was it all a coincidence that today, I...
1) was able to "accidentally" attend a Mass well-celebrated?
2) listened as the priest said "Don't worry, God is there" over and over, and felt as if God Himself was talking to me?
3) thrice saw a NEVER GIVE UP shirt?
4) saw the place where I yearn to be right before my eyes, and  was reminded of His purpose for me?

Yeah Lord, You never fail to manifest Your presence when I seem to forget.