Oh, the feels.

There's an onion-cutting ninja near me.

(comic strip grabbed from: http://theunboundedspirit.com/this-comic-about-love-will-touch-your-heart/)

Araw ng paghilom.

Huwag kang manindim, puso kong nasaktan
Pahirin ang luha, mga sugat ay takpan
Manahimik lamang, mga labi'y itikom
Malapit na, malapit na ang paghilom

A little bit of redemption.

I'm in the quest of granting my soul a little bit of redemption.

Lately, I've been focused on so many things -- my work, personal concerns, financial difficulties, new people coming into [and soon going out of] my life... that I wasn't able to make room for my soul and her well-being.

I've been stressed with so much work to do. I somehow forgot what all of this is about.

For a while, I forgot that this is all for the Lord. I took away the Lord in the picture, and not long after, everything seemed pointless.

Indeed, if one does work apart from God, he gets lost in the way. If he fails to acknowledge God in his everyday toil, he loses sight of his purpose...and all the toil becomes pointless.

Thus, the reason I've been so stressed lately. I've been asking myself "What's the point in all of this?"

And honestly, it's been so tiring.

It's so hard to run away from God, because all this time, deep in my heart I know that resistance to Him is futile.

Lent is about to come. And I wish to come back from the dead.


Kailan magwawakas ang 'yong pagtatago?
Ako'y naghihintay sa'yo.
Lumapit ka lamang, ang puso Ko'y hagkan,
Pag-ibig Ko'y walang hanggan.
-- Pag-ibig Ko, Hangad

Sugar rush.

This post is way waaaaay too late, but yeah. :P

Last year, on Valentine's Day, I decided to do something different.

Since it was my first time to spend Valentine's Day with a (sort of) stable job, I gave myself a little treat. I bought a meal at Jollibee (walang basagan ng trip), went to Roxas Boulevard Baywalk, sat there quietly, and watched the sunset all by myself.

Spending Vday at Baywalk, as it turned out, is the worst idea ever. My dear friends: don't. you. ever. dare. spend. Valentine's day at Roxas Boulevard. It's such a hassle. There are so many people, it's so noisy, and the place is full of trash. It's like a concert but no one was singing; and any time a stampede might occur.

Anyway, Vday this year came and went like a breeze. A week before Vday, I was brewing some plans.... in vain. Those plans were sabotaged by the tons of papers we editors had to work on (it would seem that our schedule hates Valentines day).

But this busy-ness was also a blessing in disguise for me; while I was working, I was not bothered by the hype of Valentines day; neither was I forced to join the bandwagon of finding a date and/or lamenting because I didn't manage to find any. While everyone else talked about cupid, hearts, chocolates and flowers in the media and everywhere, all I focused on were the papers I was editing, because I didn't take my eyes off them. It was tiring, for Valentine's sake! But I believe it was providential.

There was a consolation to my exhaustion on Valentine's Day. We had a potluck of sweets in our department in the office. There were cake, pancit, pizza, siopao bread (or whatever it's called. It's delicious.), ice cream, lots of biscuits, and a chocolate fondue! (Yes, you may sing Love is an Open Door now.) Sugar rush! Literal sugar rush!!! It was my little blot of happiness in my otherwise busy and tiring day.

It may not amount to the happiness most people try to find on Valentine's Day, but to me, this is more than enough.

Thank you, dear Lord. You never fail to make me realize that I am always loved.

"Every day may not be so good, but there's always something good in every day."

Right place, right time.

I am a believer of serendipity.

Three days ago, I ran into an old friend at (of all places) Cash and Carry Mall here in Makati. We've been friends since freshman college, but as many college friends do, we stopped keeping in touch after graduation. We passed by each other at the grocery. Good thing she greeted me first, because I wasn't really looking around. I was thrilled!

These 'coincidences' are really nuts. Had I passed by ten seconds too early, I wouldn't be able to meet her again. Had she not looked in my direction, she wouldn't have seen me, and God knows when the two of us would cross paths again. But the timing seems to be well-orchestrated, it is almost surreal. Seriously, what are the odds?

This is one of the many reasons why I truly believe in serendipity. I love hearing about serendipitous events. It amazes me knowing a guy and a girl meet in a serendipitous manner, only to find out that they are meant for each other this whole time. It is enthralling to have lost a family, relative, or friend, and find him/her again in the strangest setting. These stories are like those seen in movies or teleseryes, but a hundredfold better because they are real.

In another parallel universe where this person arrives at a certain place one minute late, or stops to look at his or her watch, his or her life becomes totally different, because he/she does not meet that other person. But luckily, we don't have to worry about that parallel universe, because this universe we are living in is the most amazing arranger of serendipitous events.

Serendipity is a proof of how God works in our lives. Ours is an active God who arranges things so wisely and perfectly, that you would prefer not to have it any other way. It thrills me to think that God, knowing our plans and actions, sets one thing after another, to lead us where we exactly ought to be. Serendipity shows us that the Lord sees not only the big picture, but even the minutest things; and with love, He concerns Himself with arranging these details for our own good. He uses these minute intricacies, to manifest His presence in our lives. "God will move heaven and earth for us to know His will."

I allow the Lord to get hold of my everyday schedule, and take possession of my every waking moment. I allow Him to arrange my little serendipities, these instances that would make His presence felt even more. I lift up my remaining days to God and let Him steer the wheel, so that through others, He would lead me and all the world to Himself.

On attachments and goodbyes.

It's both a blessing and a curse that I get so easily attached to people.

Being the 70% extrovert that I am, I find it easy to talk to many people. I easily gain friends wherever I am. This is one gift that I thank God for -- the gift of being able to have good relations with most people.

But this wonderful blessing also leaves an indispensable scar: I tend to become overly attached to them, even when sometimes, they do not feel the same towards me.

Being attached to people is hard -- no, it's exhausting. You have to constantly check on them. You worry when they are not alright. When they are happy, you become happy; but when they are sad, you share their sadness. When they are lost, two things happen: either you are lost too, or you feel compelled to find them.

The hardest part in these attachments is goodbye. When they leave, I am always the first to get hurt. I feel envious of people who come and go, and do not feel a thing. Some of them take goodbyes so casually, and I'm left with no choice but to take it casually, too, even though deep inside... It feels like shit.

Last week, a little friend of mine moved to Bacolod. He is a five-year old kid who lived in the neighborhood. Of course, out of fear of sentimentality, I played it cool. In reality, I felt really sad. I had really gotten close to that kid, especially during the time I was unemployed. But now he has left, and God knows when I shall see him again, or if he would even remember me if I ever do see him.

Each time someone says goodbye, a little part of me dies.

Being so easily attached, at times, causes emotional turmoil. This is the reason why I cried in my high school graduation. This is also the reason why I cried when I fell in love for the first time. And the second time. And this is the reason why when I graduated in college, I suffered a severe withdrawal syndrome out of my separation from college friends, that took me a long time to get over with.

I know that if I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, my one true love and only (supposedly) Apple of my eye, these attachments should bother me less. But sadly, no, I do not find it easy to let go of them so easily. Usually, it takes time and buckets of emo stuff.

I should learn to handle my attachments like a normal adult would, but most of the time, the child in me doesn't want to let go. Thus, one half of me is stuck, while the other half tries its best to stay strong.

Pray for me, dear friend, that I may be able to let go of unhealthful attachments -- to my loved ones, to my vain interests, to my disordered passions. But while I pray for unhealthful attachments to heal, I wish to retain the attachments which strengthen my faith in Christ, and those which would help fulfill God's will in me.

The devil's whisper.

*This writing is dedicated to my beloved Lisieux Music Ministry... as well as to anyone who is weary and discouraged right now.

As an Evangelical Concert is nearing
The devil also becomes more sneering
As the community hustle in their moving
the enemy fools them into believing --

That their voices and efforts are not enough,
That the way to go is very tough,
That they made the wrong choice when they said fiat,
That God is not with them in this combat,

That they are weak and have hearts so hard
That they are not worthy in this vineyard,
That God is not at work in all of this,
That God has left them all amiss.

In the midst of these whispers, they tremble
Oh, how true is the devil's mumble!
They find themselves weeping and afraid
Asking: Shall God come to our aid?

But there is a greater Voice, who comes
And with a gentle countenance, he hums

"Do not be afraid, I am with you,
I've been there longer than you ever knew

I picked you by hand, singled out among the rest
Because I want to use you for the very best
I brought you to this concert to fulfill a mission
To turn more souls from apathy to passion.

When you cast your fiat, I was with you
When you chose the songs, I guided you
I was with you when the script was written
And in your practices, I fondly listen

I said 'I will never forsake you,' and child, I mean it
I could care less if you see yourself unfit
You don't see it, my child, but I am here
All you have to do is let go of your fear.

If you only cast your burdens upon Me,
if you only trust Me and let it be,
Then my grace shall unfold and you will see
How I will use you for My greater glory.