On the sin of pride.

Sorry, I feel like being preachy today. I am no theologist nor religious, but I am 'proud' (not in a bad sense) to realize that in a certain level, I have figured out the irony of pride. Yes, it is too ironic it even seems confusing to the rational mind.

I thought pride only meant feeling too superior to others. I thought it only meant merely failing to submit to others' authority when necessary. In a nutshell, those may be true but pride is a complex concept and is much, much more than that.

Any thought that roots from extreme love of the self is pride. Yes, superiority complex is pride. That feeling that you are always 'right' is pride. When you think that no one should boss you around. When you insist your opinions and shun down others'. When most of the time, you think your 'ego' is being shaken (hey, I also realized that 'ego' is such a proud concept. At the same time I believe that much of it is imaginary). Those self-centered thinking results from the tendency of the pride of our heart.

But do you know that inferiority complex is pride too? Feeling ashamed to face other people because of the fear of being ridiculed. Being restrained in your comfort zone because of the fear of commiting a mistake. Those kinds of fear come from pride. We feel that kind of fear because we tend to defend ourselves from harm. Part of our human nature is to be inclined to self-preservation and perpetuation.

But anything that roots from our excessive self-love is already pride. Even the mere fact that we feel that we are humble enough is a sure sign of pride. This is the most ironic part. Those who feel that they are already good and humble are the persons infected with that dangerous pride. They are likened to the pharisees and scribes who criticized Jesus but failed to recognized their rotten selves.

On the other hand, admitting that you are proud actually removes your pride, strip by strip, brick by brick. Ironic, eh? The publican who recognized that he is a sinner was highly favored by God. But woe to the clergy in Jesus' time who were self-rightous and contented of themselves.

There are other indicators of pride but I cannot exhaust all. It is up to our judgment and discernment.

Mary was the perfect example of total humility. In spite of her nothingness (in terms of worldly matters, of course), she was the one chosen to be mother of the Messiah. If she had superiority complex, she would have proudly accepted the deal because she would think she was the rightest person worthy of Christ. That kind of thinking would be so unright, even if she is indeed the rightest person. If Mary had inferiority complex, she would not have accepted it. She would think of what others would say because she was unworthy. If that were so, then mankind is doomed.

But Mary accepted the deal as a lowly servant of the Lord. She made her Fiat not out of any feeling of superiority nor 'what-would-they-say-if-I-didn't-follow' thinking, but out of perfect resignation to the will of God.

May we learn true humility from the lowly and glorious life of Mary. :)

What was I doing in Buendia?

What was I doing in Buendia?

Oh, nothing. I just rode the bus LRT station bound in Buendia. I was supposed to ride the MRT in Magallanes (first stop after SLEX if you're from Los Banos).

The THING is, I slept during the entire trip. I went on a comatose. And when I woke up, poof. It became Koko Crunch. We passed by Magallanes already. I was in Buendia.

I was like ??? and O.o? I was speechless. I am so proud of myself for sleeping like there was no tomorrow. So I rode a jeepney back to Guadalupe so I could get back at the MRT.

What's happening to my sleeping pattern? How will I get myself back to normal? Oh Lord, help me on this. T.T

(Random thoughts only. Sorry if this is a deviant post.)

A date with God: the Laiya experience

At Laiya, Batangas with Aiko, Kat, Fr. Thor, Mich and Jam

Last Monday was the time of my life. My sisters and I had a 24-hour vacation in White Cove Beach Resort at Laiya, Batangas. All the students were frantic at this time; it was finals week. But I managed to finished my thesis proposal by Sunday so that I could go with them. It was an all-expense paid trip to Laiya, thanks to Father Thor (it was his birthday that Sunday, so we was treating everyone else).

I could not imagine that this vacation would be a spiritual activity for me. I only wanted to jeer away from the stress and noise of UPLB. I mean, the lack of solitude. A "time for myself" was my drama. I wanted to reflect on the happenings in my life right now because I've been exhausting myself for weeks now in editing my thesis.

Honestly, I've seen several greater places than Laiya. I have even seen white sand and oh-so-green mountains. But Laiya reminded me that the world (and the Philippines in particular) is indeed beautiful; we just need to open our eyes wide enough.

See, even the shells are awesome.

The wind that gently howled on my cheek. It was like a kiss from the Lord. The mountains that surrounded the bay. They were like picture frames of His goodness. The coolness of the rain that dampened my skin was like a shower of His blessings to me. The sand that touched my bare feet was His touch, to remind me that I walk along His path of grace.

It was like the whole universe was talking to me: shouting out in high decibels that my God is a big GOD. He created all these magnificent things. He was so good a Lord that He let me experience all this goodness.

When we were brought via boat to the middle of the sea for snorkling, I was in deep joy! I was enthralled with all that I saw. The fishes, all alive and colorful. They eat the bread in my hand! I even saw Dory (Regal Blue Tang Fish). Lots of Dories. The corals. The blue water. Underwater was like a different city, a different world. My magnificent God has done all these. Amazing.

We didn't have an underwater camera, so this is all I can share.

We went around taking lots and lots of pictures. We slept in a very comfortable room. We ate delicious sinigang and grilled pork. While they were sleeping, I roamed around and then sat by the shore, just pondering all the wonderful things I saw.

It was like God was whispering to me, "This is how much I love you, My child."

It was a personal retreat.

I could not ever forget this wonderful experience. Thank you my sisters! Thank you Father Thor, for making this possible! I owe my sanity to you (haha).

My Lord and my God, You have manifested Your goodness once more, and I cannot contain it. This world and everything in it is Your handwork. My life is Your craft, and I offer it back to You! Gloria in excelsis Deo!

(More photos in our facebook profile.)

I will leave with a sweet smile on my face.

In silence

I woke up and rushed through the day
And everything was so intense
I never got the chance to say
That I need a little silence

I had a  lot of work to do
And walked around like everyone
But I never did spare myself
A moment of silence, just one

I tried to fit in all my tasks
I moved briskly, made it all quick
Thought I never needed silence
But deep inside, I felt so sick.

I almost thought I'm superman
But no one noticed how I bleed
Oh! How will I ever find out
That silence is all that I need

I paused and sought within myself
Ran away from the noisy world
I prayed and found my inner peace
For in silence, I found the Lord

The deviant post that wasn't (and how I love being weak)

Last May I posted something here, this blog about me falling apart and all those stuff. You know, this was the time when I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Of course I got by, although now I am facing the same problem, I guess (much more severe this time).

Writing is my thing. And I vowed that this blogsite should glorify God; this is the purpose of this blog. So I thought it was a deviant post since it was all a blurt out of worries, frustrations, and not-so-good feelings. I do it from time to time when I feel so tired.

Somehow, I realized that it wasn't a deviant post at all. Why, wouldn't I glorify God if I am weak and lost? I gave it all up and I let the Lord carry my yoke for  this matter.

When I am weak, I am strong (cf. 2 Cor. 12:10). Yes, I let Him manifest His glory. Because when I am weak, that is the best time when I need Him. And He will come to the rescue. And I will make it. Then next challenges will come. I will be strong at some point then weak in most. Then He will get me up on my feet again.

Oh, how I love this vicious cycle.

Whatacomplexworld.

Complexities. Ah, I've been bombarded with complex thoughts since I chose this jungle-like academe and stayed here for four years and more, because I seemed to have lost in the jungle's confusing maze. Yes, yes, everything is so confusing here: the ideolologies contradict each other; the people you aren't sure if their faces are true, even their genders. Sometimes I wished I were just a cat or something else, because as a complete and normal human being the complex ideas dig my head like hell and I think I just want to jump off a cliff. Or maybe it is me? I think of complex thoughts when things could otherwise be less complicated had I chosen not to think of every thing my mind can conceive given this, and that, and had I not thought of every pro and con and intervening variables of everything I encounter. Oh yeah, I know it seems a good thing to be critical but if people overdo it, it would be chaotic for our minds and for the society in general because our tendency would be to weigh everything even when weighing is not necessary for the situation at all. We all look for proofs of existence of many, many things that we cannot explain at the moment, like ghosts, and aliens, and gods or savior and things that are unseen and unperceived by our five oh so limiting senses. If we haven't seen the proof yet then what do we do? We look for everywhere in the world for the proof and everything seems to rotate into the term 'proof',' because if it has no proof then it doesn't exist. Isn't it complex enough, how people think this way? What do we do to the proof when it shows up? If it does not show up then does it mean that that something we believe in is not true at all? I do not want to think of it that way. So if this world is this complex then I will just accept it as it is. Someday I believe that everything will be explained to me, by my mom or dad or angel or something else that is unseen whether you believe it or not. For now let us just accept that the world is such as complex and unending dilemma of what to do with your existence, that is if you believe you truly exist.

(the most confusing blog I have ever written, and I intended it)

And another.

Here's another word cloud, again from this blog.