Oh dear, it had been a crazy August.
Right now I am looking at my calendar on my desk at the office. This is where I write my OTs. Almost every day for the month of August was blocked. There were times I spent the night at the office. Coffee and energy drink ran in my blood just to keep up with the long hours. Whew! How did I end up this way anyway?
I started this job in the editorial department of a publishing company in Quezon City. The company produces mostly academic books, with law books as the its premiere products. Our section in the editorial department is assigned with the basic education books (elementary and high school). I don't have any Educ background (except perhaps DEVC40. Uhmmm I'm not sure if that counts), so I was a little afraid, but since I have Journ background, they figured that editing materials for books might be up my alley.
This job serves a a breather from all the soul-searching I did prior to this job. As some of you know, I took some time struggling with the so-called quarter-life crisis (or is 22 too early for that? Whatever). After I graduated, I found it hard to find my place in the workplace and, consequently, in the adult world. I got a temporary contractual job, which I fondly enjoyed while it lasted, then I found myself clueless again about where I should go.
A few weeks into the unemployment, I attended a Life-in-the-Spirit Seminar, with the hopes of consulting my internal compass - God, about all the mess I've been having. It was such a blissful and fruitful experience, and I did get His message for me that time. But of course, it's not like God would magically solve my confusion, so I still had to struggle about my vocation and unemployment issues.
After another three months of unemployment, I finally landed a job in a research foundation somewhere in Ortigas. I stayed there for a short while, then I resigned. Then after my brief experience in that job, I had to face yet another phase (see what I did there? They're homonyms. hihihihi) of unemployment. Wow, yaman ko noh? Please... I was broke and empty for months. I can't imagine how I survived those months penniless. Good thing my parents never left me in my time of need.
In May 2013, I finally got this job in the publishing company. In June, I was all set and good to go. Honestly, I wasn't really excited about this job, for I was expecting something else. A day before I accepted this placement, I braved going to AFP; their Reserve Command was in need of a writer and I figured I could try my luck. So I marched there, took the tests, and faced the interview with the Commanding Officer herself (she was kind, but I was scared!). I told God that if it was really not His will for me to take the job in the publishing company, He would get me through this by letting me work at AFP. I also prayed that it was actually His will to place me there (Haha! I'm terrible. I remembered, prayer doesn't work that way. Hayyy). Much to my dismay, that night the Commanding Officer texted me. I didn't get the job. So after that bad day, I halfheartedly said yes to the publishing company.
I was resolved to spend "just a few months" in the company, during which time I would see if I have a shot with the "dream jobs" I was really pining for.
But truly, God's ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), and His plans turned out to be different and better than mine. Have I known all along that He truly is the perfect planner of my life, I wouldn't be so skeptical of His plans for me.
It turns out I actually like my job. I like editing, I like the books, I like the company, and I like the thought of actually contributing something to the service of people. :) I knew I should have trusted Him about this job. How good is the Lord, who is true and faithful to His promise!
There are downsides to this job, however. The insane long hours of work, particularly during the peak season; the location (for crying out loud, I reside in Makati, and yet I chose a job that's far away); the traffic (hello Quiapo and España); the Saturday work (it seems I'm missing out on a lot of things); and the potential membership in an organization in my own parish I neglected because of my hectic schedule (busyness was not my primary reason for backing out, but it was a major setback).
But I believe that if one really enjoys what he is doing, he can endure these things, no matter how hard. It's amazing how I manage to cope.
I feel that this might not yet be the end stop for me... I am young and I have a lot in mind. But my heart is contented and happy, and carefree as it may sound, that is what matters to me right now. With this, I can rest my mind and finally focus on serving God through my work. Finally, I may not worry (for now) about where I should go next, but instead, enjoy the journey and let God take care of the future. When the time comes when I'll have to leave (alis agad iniisip, di pa nga regular? hahahaha), I hope that God would be gracious to help me through it. After all, I wish to be docile to the plan of God, and I pray He would grant me the grace to be one, given that I am so hardhearted and proud and all.
My end goal is for my life to be always of service to God, no matter where He wills me to go and what He wills me to do. It sounds almost insanely impossible, but I believe that since I was bought by the blood of such a precious martyr called Christ, this is what every Christian must do. Frankly, I am alarmed and perpetually afraid of this goal, because if He asked that I give up my all for Him, I don't know if I would be gracious enough to say yes. I am constantly afraid that that day would come. Seriously, how does one say 'fiat' (Be it done) as wholehearted and trusting as the Virgin Mary did?
But for now, I feel that my vocation is in this job, and in my other roles as well -- daughter, sibling, friend, lover (of my imaginary boyfriend, who else. loljk). I must focus on these things, and even if I suck at this path to holiness most times, I pray that He would be patient with me. Pray with me, my dear friends in faith, that we may become Christ's witnesses in our workplace (even if most of the time, life is a bitch).
May you walk with me hand-in-hand, and together, let us walk amidst the ungodly world towards God.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord,
"Plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and on your own understanding rely not;
In all your ways be mindful of Him,
and He will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
_________________
P.S.
I realized that I prayed about this job last September 2012. The job I was praying for was different than this, but to my surprise, I like this job a thousandfold more than that job I was praying for. Thank God, and glory be to Him! This job is the answer to the prayer I asked God last September, and this job is actually better than what I originally asked for. Truly, omnia in bonum (everything is for the good). I am humbled and enthralled by His graciousness. His goodness is unfathomable. Every time He answers my prayers, He humbles me.
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