Old songs (1)

Intro: G-D-G-D

(Verse: G-D-G-D)
Do you ever notice me
When I secretly stare at you, baby?
Or when I look into your eyes
Does my eyes reveal what's inside me?

(Refrain: Em-Am-Em-Am)
Don't turn your back on me now
'Coz I just wanna savor
The stolen moments the two of us share
I just want you to know (D)

(Chorus: G-D-G-D)
Guess I'm falling for you baby
Can't find the right words to say
Guess I'm needing you more each day
(Em-Am-Em)
It's all that I know
I want you to know
(D) I need you to know, I love you.

I have never been more sure
And I've never felt this way before
But my heart paints a picture of you
Deep inside I know it's true

Don't turn your back on me please
I can't stand to see you leaving
You know I want you
I'm longing to hold you
And I need you to know (Chorus)

(Bridge: G-D-G-D)
Please help me, it's all that I know
Please hold me, I want you to know
Please save me, I need you to know
Please help me...

(Coda: G-D-G-D)
Guess I'm falling for you
Guess I'm falling for you
Guess I'm falling for you...

(Em-Am-Em-D-G)

I love you.

______________________________


This was the first ever song I wrote. I was 15 and in fourth year high school. I was just beginning to learn how to play the guitar, so the chords were simple and the pattern was easy to figure out.

As I remember correctly, this song was for a huge crush who was a co-member of the choir. And mind you, I never got the chance to sing this song to him. I did not even get the opportunity to tell him how I felt (Funny. To think that this song is about telling that person!). Now, I don't know where on earth that guy is anymore. Rumor has it that he had a son/daughter when I went to college (Whew! Disaster averted).

In this blog and in the next two, I will (try to) recall the songs I wrote for various people during those humdrum days. This is to prove one thing: I was lame. So so so lame.

You see, each of our past selves has his or her own form of lameness. I am no exception; I know that I am awesome today but let's face it, this awesome was once lame.

(HAHA, just kidding! That last remark was Barney Stinson-inspired. But he's the awesome one; let's give the man the awesomeness he truly deserves.)

As I was saying, we could admit that in one way or another, we have done stupid mistakes. Or decisions that lacked second thought. Or actions that needed to be refined. All of us have those ugly ghosts, haunting us once in a while to a certain degree. Everyone; no exceptions. Well, maybe except Barney Stinson, the master of awesomeness.

AHHH! Barney get out of my blog!

Dear 15-year old girl who is reading my blog, you reading this blog is not an accident. As I've said once in one of my entries, God does not play dice with the universe; He doesn't play dice with me or my laptop. So He didn't play dice with yours, too.

Maybe you were searching for a poem or a love song. Maybe you were about to dedicate it to a guy you met. Be careful with your heart, my dear. I had my share of mistakes in that part; I thought it was 'love' but look at me now, single and unemployed, but nonetheless just fine.

By this time, these are the things you should be busy with: acads, books, reviewing for college entrance exams, and your extra-curricular activities. Okay, you may goof around with friends too, but make sure they're friends who are marching with you down the line when you graduate. If they are the friends who introduced you to drugs or encouraged you to cut class, then break off with them at this very moment, or else you're gonna have a bad time.

Don't haste to grow up. You know, as much as I want to go back to being fifteen, I cannot. So seize those days and make the most out of them. Carpe diem! Have fun, dear.

And as to that pathetic poem above, don't copy them anymore. I was wrong for thinking all of those blissful feelings were the 'L' word. It's much, much more than that, my dear. Don't haste to say the 'L' word; you've got all the rest of your life to do that. Don't commit the same mistakes I did back then. Be wise. You only live once. Don't screw it up. :)

No. No. And no.

Heart: Uhm, I think I want to...

Mind:

Heart: Ahw. But I was just thinking if I could feel some
Mind:

Heart: Will you ever allow me to be happy... just this one time?

Mind:

Heart:  

_________________________

Why is the mind such an ass?

If you mind is like this, always saying no, then it must be a sign of two things:
1. Your heart always desires disorderly things (things that are not right!). That's why your brain keeps saying no.
2. You are using your mind for what it's worth. And that's healthy.

When silence whispered.

Sept. 17, 2012
2:00am
Whitehouse Apartments, Los Baños, Laguna

I am surprised by the fact that I am writing now. So many thoughts are running inside my head - things I have not thought about in the LSS because maybe, I had so little quiet time back then. It's amazing how God speaks in silence - you cannot imagine the beauty of His words.

I attended the seminar with one big question in mind: what does God want me to do with my life? It's not easy to discern your purpose when you are laid down with so many choices - be a teacher, a writer, a speaker, an office worker, a broadcaster, and many more. I think people call this the quarter-life crisis - something quite normal for people of my age.

I left the seminar without a definite answer. He did not answer me instantly. Not in a supernatural way, to say the least. But after the seminar, my faith is renewed - I will not walk the earth with a doubtful heart, for my trust in the Lord is restored.

Somehow, I feel that God will answer me soon - no, I am certain, with fullness of faith, that God will lead me eventually to where He wants me to be. But, first things first.

I think and I feel that right now, God is counseling me to look not on the past but on the future. To do this, I must let go and detach myself with one season in life I enjoyed the most -            .

I have been attached to my                 so severely; I had a pretty good one. It was my purgatory; I was bombarded with trials here and there, yet I had the joy and resilience to make it through until the end.                                            .                                                                        . It was hard not to fall in love with         and especially with the                   .

But in order to move on to the future, I need to let go of the past. As much as I'd like to stay in this beloved sanctuary, I know time will come when I will have to cut my ties with it. Not that I will be gone forever and bury everything about it in my memory, but I ought to limit my presence in this community. I need to do so in order to serve God more fervently and with uninterrupted focus, in the place where He wills me to work.

This is very, very hard for me. If I were to follow what I want, I could have                                                                          .                                                          . However, I feel that God is prompting me to rest my mind in the present - where real-life problems exist. He is placing me in a different battlefield, away from my comfort zone so that I would be needing His help and seeking Him again, constantly. I need this for my own spiritual growth and that of others.

When I am stripped off of the things I want, I will recognize my nakedness and necessity of God. The questions remains - am I ready to break off with my comfortable battlefield so that He could send me to another uncomfortable but sanctifying one?

I wanted to build a tent for myself in this community, much like Peter wanted to build one for the Lord in the mountain of Tabor. If I do this, I might probably be saved. However, I could not stand the thought of going to heaven alone, since in my life I have stayed in the mountains, not taking with me even a few souls from the plains. If such is the case, I would rather go down the mountain, win souls for Him and take them with me to heaven. I know this is the hard way, but it shall bear much fruit.

And so, I commit myself to this painstaking task of breaking off with my attachments. I know this will never be easy, but at this point, I am willing to leave everything for Christ. And if He so asks me to leave more for Him, no matter how painful, I will be willing to follow.

Fiat voluntas tua.

Because sometimes, I need to be reminded.

Could you be healer to a heart that's been wounded
in a battle that's never seen?

Could you be teacher to a mind of confusion?
Tell me, what does this all mean?

Are you deliverer of an imprisoned feeling in chains?
Can you set my spirit free?

And just one more question,
allow me this question.
Could you be Messiah to me?
Could you be Messiah to me?...



Could you be father to a soul that's been abandoned
by a world too busy to hear?

Could you be friend to a helpless survivor?
Can you take away my fears?

I heard them all sharing this newfound conviction in them.
Are you all that they made you to be?

And just one more question,
allow me this question.
Could you be Messiah?
Please be Messiah to me.



I've been looking for someone like you
And I'm so tired...tired.
I've read every book and I've sang every song.
My mind may be right but my heart feels so wrong.
Tell me how much farther can my life go alone.
Which way do the roads lead?
Where do I belong?



Are you forgiver of my most unknown secrets?
Provider of all that I need?

Could you be brother, the one who knows better?
Would you now stand in the lead?

When all this is over
all the thunder and lightning,
in the daylight, just what will I see?

...The answers to my questions,
to all of my questions.
Could you be Messiah to me?
Could you be Messiah to me?


Could you be Messiah?
Please be Messiah to me.

The bitter aspirin.

Dear Lord, I have never wanted something so badly in my life. I wanted some petty things back in the past and yeah, some of them were not good for me (I figured a few months later). But this, THIS, *this* particular prayer is really something I want so so so badly (and I don't think it will be bad for me). Lord, please grant this particular prayer.

I want to work as a                  in the                              . You know, yesterday I saw the announcement in their website. When I read the ad, you saw my reaction: my eyes twinkled, my heart skipped a beat and bam! I fell in love with the job in an instant. Oh, how I felt that I am truly meant to be               !

You saw how I obsessedly edited various materials back in college. I edited whatever I caught gaze upon: articles, bulletin posts, teasers, ads in the TV and radio, and practically whatever I saw. Whenever I heard/saw an error in my friends' grammar, "nagpapanting ang tainga ko." A little grammar nazi you might call me, but I also edit myself most of the time.

I edited manuscripts for a few college friends. That I did without pay. I even volunteered to do the editing. I am so passionate at it. You know that because you saw the things I did. I spent sleepless nights editing stuff. You know how much effort and passion I invested to get myself ready for this job. And now, the time has come.

I know it was not an accident when I clicked that link that led me to that website that led to that link that led me to that job vacancy page. You crafted that very moment because you don't play dice with the universe; you don't play dice with me or my laptop. And so with eagerness, I respond to the link's calling; I respond to your calling if this is your will. But I cannot guarantee any certainty at this point in my life. Even when I get the job interview, it won't even be an assurance that I will get the job given that I'm timid and tend to stutter and let's face it, I suck at job interviews.

And so, I am left with my barrenness and lack of ability. Right now I need no one but an all-knowing and all-mighty Friend who never left me in all my challenges in life. Please help me. And yes, I don't mind begging if this career is what is at stake.

*If* this job is not for me, well then... Please turn it around and make it for me. Just kidding, Lord. If this is not for me, I would probably be lonely for a few days. Of course it will be frustrating. When you want something so so so badly and you don't get it, would you have a feast? Of course, you won't. But, this entire experience will be like a bitter aspirin I must swallow: it tastes awful but through it, I shall be well.

I love You, Lord. Whatever kind of aspirin I will swallow.

___________________________________

PS. Lord, just so you know, I asked the help of two of your best friends: your very own mother Blessed Mary and your martyred servant, Lorenzo Ruiz (whose feast day was yesterday). Ha! You can't say no to them, can you!

Quinque viae (2)

In my last blog, I mentioned the first three components of St. Thomas Aquinas' Quinque Viae, or The Five Ways. Here are the fourth and fifth components to complete the five ways to describe God.

Fourth argument: Standard of Perfection (ex gradu)

"The fourth way is taken from the gradation to be found in things. Among beings there are some more and some less good, true, noble and the like. But “more” and “less” are predicated of different things, according as they resemble in their different ways something which is the maximum, as a thing is said to be hotter according as it more nearly resembles that which is hottest; so that there is something which is truest, something best, something noblest and, consequently, something which is uttermost being; for those things that are greatest in truth are greatest in being, as it is written in Metaph. Now the maximum in any genus is the cause of all in that genus; as fire, which is the maximum heat, is the cause of all hot things. Therefore there must also be something which is to all beings the cause of their being, goodness, and every other perfection; and this we call God" (Aquinas, n.d.).

The fourth statement simply states some things have varying levels or degrees, and thus, a level of perfection exists in them. We think of God as something perfect; if something is perfectly good, then that is His. It is Him Himself. Which was why Leo Trese stated that "Strictly speaking, God is not wise; He is wisdom." In the Bible, it was not stated that God is loving, but there was the very phrase "God is love." It means that perfect Love is God Himself; Love is the very essence of Him. We look at this concept of deity in the same manner.


Fifth argument: Grand Designer (ex fine)

"The fifth way is taken from the governance of the world. We see that things which lack intelligence, such as natural bodies, act for an end, and this is evident from their acting always, or nearly always, in the same way, so as to obtain the best result. Hence it is plain that not fortuitously, but designedly, do they achieve their end. Now whatever lacks intelligence cannot move towards an end, unless it be directed by some being endowed with knowledge and intelligence; as the arrow is shot to its mark by the archer. Therefore some intelligent being exists by whom all natural things are directed to their end; and this being we call God" (Aquinas, n.d.).

Why is everything so orderly? Back then, it was hard to think that all things in the universe happened ramdomly, without much of a plan or design. And so the fifth argument answers this. The fifth way states that with all this laws existing in nature, there must be a guiding and that somehow planned the grandeur that is the universe. And so this ultimate designer is God.

Quinque viae (1)

I had encountered this lesson four years ago, but it continues to be one of my most loved topics in Philosophy 1. Saint Thomas Aquinas, in his book Summa Theologica, introduced five ways to somehow "prove" the existence of a Deity. This explanation was not meant to be a proof in itself; rather, it tends to exhaust the ways in which God could be defined and described.

I love these five ways because they stand alone; meaning, religion and all deity-related experiences and biases are out of the argument. Even if there were no religion that existed in the world, people could still infer logically and reasonably that such belief in a Deity is reasonable enough and cannot be obsolete.

First argument: the Unmoved Mover (ex motu)

The first and more manifest way is the argument from motion. It is certain, and evident to our senses, that in the world some things are in motion. Now whatever is in motion is put in motion by another, for nothing can be in motion except it is in potentiality to that towards which it is in motion; whereas a thing moves inasmuch as it is in act. For motion is nothing else than the reduction of something from potentiality to actuality. But nothing can be reduced from potentiality to actuality, except by something in a state of actuality. Thus that which is actually hot, as fire, makes wood, which is potentially hot, to be actually hot, and thereby moves and changes it. Now it is not possible that the same thing should be at once in actuality and potentiality in the same respect, but only in different respects. For what is actually hot cannot simultaneously be potentially hot; but it is simultaneously potentially cold. It is therefore impossible that in the same respect and in the same way a thing should be both mover and moved, i.e. that it should move itself. Therefore, whatever is in motion must be put in motion by another. If that by which it is put in motion be itself put in motion, then this also must needs be put in motion by another, and that by another again. But this cannot go on to infinity, because then there would be no first mover, and, consequently, no other mover; seeing that subsequent movers move only inasmuch as they are put in motion by the first mover; as the staff moves only because it is put in motion by the hand. Therefore it is necessary to arrive at a first mover, put in motion by no other; and this everyone understands to be God (Aquinas, n.d.).

A leaf lands on grass because it was blown by the wind. The wind blows because of the movement of the earth. The universe (multiverse if you're a modern physicist) moves and moves because it is being moved by something... But there had to be something that started all the moving. This something is the first mover, the sole cause of all movements. And this something, or Someone, is God.

Second argument: the First Cause (ex causa)

The second way is from the nature of the efficient cause. In the world of sense we find there is an order of efficient causes. There is no case known (neither is it, indeed, possible) in which a thing is found to be the efficient cause of itself; for so it would be prior to itself, which is impossible. Now in efficient causes it is not possible to go on to infinity, because in all efficient causes following in order, the first is the cause of the intermediate cause, and the intermediate is the cause of the ultimate cause, whether the intermediate cause be several, or only one. Now to take away the cause is to take away the effect. Therefore, if there be no first cause among efficient causes, there will be no ultimate, nor any intermediate cause. But if in efficient causes it is possible to go on to infinity, there will be no first efficient cause, neither will there be an ultimate effect, nor any intermediate efficient causes; all of which is plainly false. Therefore it is necessary to admit a first efficient cause, to which everyone gives the name of God (Aquinas, n.d.).

The second argument is very much like the first; they both dwell on the "first initiator" argument. Here, however, we focus on the cause of events rather than motion.  Life has ripple effect on other lives and things have ripple effect on other things as well. The ecosystem is one good example of such. Animals become consumers but also become consumed. Plants consume energy from the sun, then dies and becomes part of the soil in which another life will depend once more. It has been a cycle. But there must be someone or something that did not need any cause. And this is God who practically is the cause of everything.

The third argument: Contingency (ex contingentia)

The third way is taken from possibility and necessity, and runs thus. We find in nature things that are possible to be and not to be, since they are found to be generated, and to corrupt, and consequently, they are possible to be and not to be. But it is impossible for these always to exist, for that which is possible not to be at some time is not. Therefore, if everything is possible not to be, then at one time there could have been nothing in existence. Now if this were true, even now there would be nothing in existence, because that which does not exist only begins to exist by something already existing. Therefore, if at one time nothing was in existence, it would have been impossible for anything to have begun to exist; and thus even now nothing would be in existence – which is absurd. Therefore, not all beings are merely possible, but there must exist something the existence of which is necessary. But every necessary thing either has its necessity caused by another, or not. Now it is impossible to go on to infinity in necessary things which have their necessity caused by another, as has been already proved in regard to efficient causes. Therefore we cannot but postulate the existence of some being having of itself its own necessity, and not receiving it from another, but rather causing in others their necessity. This all men speak of as God (Aquinas, n.d.).

This argument borders on the "limitedness" or being finite of things. There was a time when all these things in the universe existed. That time is now. But these things exist due to something's existence, and this something's existence was due to another thing's existence. There must be one thing that had to exist without the help of any other pre-existing thing. That one thing must have existed before anybody or anything else. This one thing's essence must be to exist. This something, or Someone, is God, who practically existed before anything else did.

(to be continued)