Took me a while to finally focus.

June 19, 2012. 9:26PM. I'm in the room of a cozy resort in (whatever part of) Batangas. We lodged in here due to our 5-day schedule in a school nearby. I found the place very comfortable; however, I opted not to take advantage of the pool. I figured that if I swim now, I won't be able to enjoy my swimming on friday with Lisieux people. At this very moment, I am multitasking: talking with officemates, texting my high school adviser, planning to call my mom, and blogging. So far, I've been inefficient with... well, everything. So I'm focusing on the blog now.

Or not! Aaaargh I can't focus.

10:19PM. Still, not totally focused on the blog. My roomates are talking about some serious stuff. Ahhh, our topic makes me conclude that life is so unfair. It indeed is...

10:29. I decided to straighten up my activities once and for all. I had my final text messages, I called my mom, and now there is nothing left to do but to blog. Oh, the inefficiencies of multitasking that were verified by a recent scientific study. Add to that study this very moment.

I've been away from my blog site for almost a month. My last blog entry was written back when I was looking for a job. Now I found one; however, it's good only until August. So after my two-month contract, I shall swim again in the vast ocean of unemployed hopefuls.

My job is to conduct a kind of reading test for elementary and high school students. The compensation is not a bucketload of money (that's okay for a starter, they say). It won't make me rich. However, what thrills me in this endeavor is the opportunity to travel to a lot of places and work in an academic environment. Sure enough, if not for this job, I won't be in Batangas right now.

Getting this job meant cancelling my other applications. It also meant missing that DREAM JOB in one of my DREAM INSTITUTIONS (which, at the time, was looking for applicants!). I said yes to this project; consequently, I said no to the numerous opportunities that followed. Don't get me wrong though: I am not headhunted by companies. I neither graduated with honors nor with any medals, even the ones for the volunteers. I was at fault for them calling me all at the same time - I went on an after-grad-you-get-a-job-immediately craze and yeah, God knows how many companies I did apply myself in. The perfect term is aligaga. Na-aligaga ako nang nagsimula silang magsitawag.

But somehow, I know that God put me here for a reason. My working here even for a short time is not an accident, just as any other happenings in my life. There has to be a purpose. I may have to meet someone here (and I sure did; all my workmates now are new to me. Add to that the teachers I meet in the schools we visit). Or maybe, I need to learn something. Or someone needs to learn from me. I will not think of it that much as I did. Back then, I wasted a lot of effort deciphering God's reasons. Now, He just tells me that the reason is out there; it's actually none of my business. All I have to do is follow His will, do good and avoid evil (easier said than done), and the rest is up to Him.

11:03PM. Good night!

"Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses." Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

Delights and dismays.

The reality of life's cruelty has been revealed to me. You could never be safe in the streets, even when you are with somebody. Two of my cousins, one residing here in Cubao and the other, in the Quezon province (who happened to stay here in QC for a quick vacation), fell victims to a bunch of heartless members of the budol-budol gang. You know, those gangs that approach you and sort of hypnotize you, then you find yourself giving your valuables to them. Their ipod, cellphone and watch were taken by the cruel guys. We were frantic because the culprits separated my two cousins on purpose (while they were under the hypnosis). We could not find one of them! The other managed to make it to a nearby barangay hall, thanks to a kindhearted tricycle driver. We were anxious because we couldn't find my other cousin (the one from the province). His cellphone was taken, so we did not have any contact with him.

So we went to the barangay hall and then to the police station, where we reported the incident. This case was never new; they probably handle cases of budol-budol victims almost everyday. However, I noticed that they responded rather very slowly and lousily; and it took us a few hours before they accompanied us to get the CCTV of the restaurant where the robbery happened (which was never shown to us, in our dismay). Such a reality pissed me. Has this always been the system in the country?

My tito and his employee went out to look for him on the roads of Cubao. It was already dark when we found my cousin - there at a 7-11 branch in Cubao. Thank God he was safe!

One might call it mishap, yet there are so many things to be thankful for. Only material things were taken to them - you know, stuff that could easily be replaced. They were not harmed physically, and the mental exhaustion it caused them did not last very long. In fact, we were already joking around upon heading home after the long day. Also, thanks to this incident, I now had an idea on how the budol-budol works. It caused me to be a lot more cautious, especially when walking alone. All these things happened for a reason, indeed.

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I got the chance to meet a "long lost friend." He was a high school friend and after high school graduation, we never had the chance to see each other or even communicate for a long time. I really missed him. Back in high school, he used to accompany me home. We used to talk until the wee hours of the night. He shared his innermost thoughts with me and mine with him. Those were the carefree times that I really missed.

But after HS graduation, the line was suddenly cut. We got busy for a while with college. Now that the hectic times have passed, I figured that it is about time to meet again and catch up on each other's lives and whereabouts.

The great thing about friends is that they are always there no matter where you go with your life. They never forget you and they will always stay the same for you. So when I asked if we could meet, immediately he managed to free his schedule from any other activities. After five years, we met again and had lunch. It was like nostalgically reliving the high school days.

I came to realize that I was the "long-lost one," not him. He has always been there, waiting for an update from me and longing to tell his stories. Five years had passed and yet, I did not try to communicate. I know that the two hours of eating and chatting we spent cannot make up for the five years that I was lost. But, this is a good way to start. And to make up for the lost years, I am planning to be his friend for the many years to come.

'Til next time, buddy. ;)

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I watched Tanging Hangad Ko, a thanksgiving concert for the 20 years of Hangad Music Ministry. To my delight, it was a free admission concert, plus I had four other Lisieux buddies to tag along with.

The show was very good! The concert was spontaneous in a good way - there was even no very structured entrance-exits, the singers were free to wipe their faces after the songs, one even brought a camera and took a shot of the audience. They were free to do their own hand gestures and interpret the song with their varying but seemingly united facial expressions. They were free to weep their hearts out in the song numbers (and weep some more singing that tribute to the great Paulo Tirol, who was flying to the US the next day). Of course, the quality of their voices was flawless, as usual. The group had me have goosebumps hearing their songs.

What I also found interesting is the striking resemblance of Hangad to my dear community, the UPLB Lisieux Music Ministry. Like Lisieux, they started as a small group of singers who wanted to sing in the Mass. Their mandate is also to serve God through music.  The members are like my own brothers and sisters in the community.And ho ho ho, their concert seemed a lot like Alay Musika. Imagine the nostalgia I felt.

Because of this, I feel that I miss choral singing. How couldn't I? I was singing nonstop in the choir for three years and more. Add to that my involvement in the choir back in high school, which caused the spark to fall in love with music even more. There is a certain thirst in me that only singing for God would quench. And seriously, if my (hopefully) frequent visits to Lisieux would not suffice, then I might consider auditioning to a  music ministry. Hangad? Bukas Palad? A music ministry in my own parish? Hahaha IDRK and Lord, I entrust this to Your hands. HEHEHEHEHEH.

Highly unlikely but not totally impossible.

Graduation thoughts 4: The bottomline

I finally give commencement to this four-part blog about graduating.

For so long, I have been focusing on a lot of details for my future, both menial and defining: where I will work, the clothes I will be wearing for my job interviews, how I will survive journeying the streets of the metro (I almost want to give up on this because MRT crushes me almost everyday), how I cope with my separation anxiety and well, move on with my life. On these times, I admit that everything revolves around ME. It was as if I am the center of it all.

Today, God is reminding me to re-shift my focus to Him from me. I am constantly being reminded to go back to my ultimate goal in this world: to be holy. This does not only apply to me; it applies basically to every person of God! No man could say that only priests, pastors or monks could achieve a high degree of holiness, although entering the religious life would make it a lot easier. Case in point, Mary and Joseph did not become hermits, as they were called for the family life; yet they are two of the greatest saints that mankind is blessed to have.

So God did not create everyone to become priests and nuns. If such were so, the world would be a total chaos, just as how chaotic the ecosystem would be if everyone were rabbits. However, everyone is created by God to become saints (Do not be confused. It does not necessarily mean we'd all be canonized. It means we're all meant to go to heaven. How could it be otherwise?). This is, as Pope John Paul II coins it, the universal call to holiness: trying to be holy whatever one's state of life is. How does one become holy? It is achieved by doing everything in love, no matter how minute. This love is radiated to others in all the world, and this love is rooted in one's love for God. Thank you, St. Therese, for this terrific reflection.

While all the world clamor fame, money and glory, I am asked by the Good Lord to jeer away from these vanities and focus on serving Him and others through Him. "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" (Matthew 7:13-14).

Easy to say. However, the path to holiness has never been an easy toil, let alone becoming holy in the midst of a busy city like this. Speaking of which, I am definitely sure that I will have a hard time attaining holiness in this ungodly place (do not react, for I can attest that this is really an ungodly place). There are a lot of interesting "stuff" here which do not make you holy, and even which make you sin. One brilliant person expressed that "In spirituality, not to progress is to regress." There are lots of temptations here, left and right, that will make you regress in your spiritual life. Honestly, it terrifies me. Not because I am a holy person, but because I am the exact opposite and I tend to give in to these vainglories. The way of the Cross is so hard!

But I am willing to take the challenge of striving to be holy in my state of life as an employee (as of the moment). There is no other way to go, for I believe that I will truly regress if I do not keep a steady pace onward, towards Jesus. With this, the song Sa Iyong mga Yapak keeps playing in my head, especially the refrain: Laban sa agos ng mundo, lumakad Ka sa landas Mo. Laban sa lakad ng mundo, landas na saki'y nais Mo.

Bring it on. I know that I am never alone.

Graduation thoughts 3: Separation anxiety

Five years ago, my trembling knees started its journey on a vast university that they say is the premier one among others. Like a blot of ink upon a wide canvas, I wondered how my littleness could ever make a difference in this place.

I could still remember my first night in the dormitory. It was a Saturday night. Men's Dorm seemed to "introduce" itself to me and my roommate when both the power and water supply went out. Imagine how freaky it felt. Take note, it was our very first night away from home. I couldn't describe the homesickness I felt that time. I even covered with a blanket my entire body as I slept, for fear of something unseen that might touch my feet. It was as if if I could grab my slippers and head straight home that night, I would.

But for the five years that followed, I could truly say that LB has been kind to me in strange ways. The thought of LB being my comfort zone had never crossed my mind, until it happened.

Now, all the hardships of college life has just ended. Ah, graduation. The feeling is so blissful and happy. However, despite the happiness I feel for finishing such an endeavor as getting that Bachelor's Degree, there lies an (inevitable, I guess) sadness wrapping my heart. My student days are over. I am no longer the learner. Now I must go out and apply all the learnings the university has taught me. The friends, the family, the environment of LB... all of them are hard to leave.

But of course, I need to go. This chapter of my life has to be closed, or at least left for a while. As much as I wanted to stay, I also know that I have to untangle myself from this attachment that the comfortable life in LB has caused me. And with this, I am starting to think that maybe, just maybe, God's plans for me are better. Even if it hurts to cut the lovely, bittersweet cords I have with my beloved LB, I have to do it. I have to jeer away from all attachments so as to discern more of His will for my life. I have to follow my Lord, even if it means sacrificing the things my heart wants.

If I keep plunged into my attachments, I may not grow. If I keep myself busy in my comfort zone, I might miss His call. If I stay where I am, I may not know where He truly wants me to be.

Following God's call for my life, I might feel a little depressed at first. This is because most of His plans are different... way waaaaay different than mine. But such has always been the trend: I would plan,  figure out that He has a different plan, and then find out that the latter's plan turned out to be a better one. And so I have to have Him in charge of my life, including my career.


"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, " Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).


Boss, Ikaw na po ang bahala. ;)

Why nostalgia is hip, and 90's kids puke rainbows. (Part 1)

I once read a line that says "Remember the past but don't dwell on it." As for me, I have one period which I want to always remember, if not dwell on. It's the 90's.

I would always love to remember my childhood; I had such a rich one. My parents never prohibited me to play on the streets and on neighbors' houses. Physical activities were the norm back then; Video games were just second option.

Ask any kid my age and most of them know habulan, tumbang-preso, luksong tinik, luksong baka, pog, teks (not SMS, but the little cards. The more teks you have, the more pogi you are), piko, ten-twenti, taguan, and langit-lupa. Langit lupa impyerno. Im, im, impyerno. Saksak puso tulo ang dugo. Patay, buhay, umalis ka na di-yan! (If you're a 90's kid or older, you read that line with a certain hymn).

Little did I know, those were my first lessons of camaraderie. Little did I know that all the games were a practice on how to win friends.

But ask kids nowadays if they know these games. They would probably roll their eyeballs and hit you with their PSPs or SDs.

So I am proud of my childhood. 

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Another thing that I like the most about my childhood is the TV. Aside from being laman ng kalye, I am also a certified couch potato. 

I remember the days when I would arrive from school and watch Akazukin Chacha, Mojacko and Ghost Fighter. My brother used to watch Dragon Ball Z, although it seems that he hadn't been a fan. I also remember how my mom and I would fight over what channel to watch, because they wanted to watch Mula sa Puso (or was it Esperanza?) while I wanted to watch Lupin III on channel 7 (malabo pa noon ang 7). Who would forget the epic death of Selina in Mula sa Puso?

During mornngs, the usual shows were not "laban-laban" but cartoons that have touching, emotional stories. Such were Remi, Nobody's Girl; Judy Abbott with Daddy Long Legs who turned out to be Jervis Pendleton (what was the title again?); Cinderella; and Julio & Julia (Kambal ng Tadhana). Before the talk shows, there were 5-minute Bananas in Pyjamas episodes. I also had a crush on Steve (Blue's Clues). And what thrilled me the most were the times damsel in distress Sailormoon was about to lose, but then Tuxedo Mask came to the rescue (weeeeee!).

Here are some pics I retrieved from google. See if you could remember these characters from film and TV!

Hope you had nostalgic and fun reading as much as I had writing/reminiscing! :D


Next nostalgic post: Toys from the 90's!

Graduation thoughts 2: the leap of faith.

I just finished the draft 3 of my thesis. And I hope this would be the last draft I would ever write.



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That sentence written above was a draft I made for this blog while I was writing the last drafts of my thesis. And as of the moment, the thesis has been binded. BINDED! Also, I was able to partially complete my clearance. Wow!

It was not easy to get to this point. I took a roller coaster ride of data gathering, coding, recoding, analyzing, writing, rewriting, editing, hardcore editing and editing some more. Many times I would face the ceiling of our room, thinking if I could ever finish this long process of research. But then, Someone who wants me to graduate this semester helped me. He took me through the leap of faith. He took me through the furnace, because He said that "gold is tested with fire" (cf. Sirach 2:5).

In fact, I think the entire process of my education was a test in the fire. I had to go through a lot of sleepless nights. I had to go to different places so that I could gather the data I need for my requirements. I did the things unimaginable, such as pitting a toad (BIO 2), singing in front of the class to get extra points in an exam, asking an array of saints to help me pass a course (okay, that was STAT1), and many others. And, having come out from all these furnaces, I am expected to be a competent UP graduate in an ever competitive world.

However, I realized that I still need a lot of things to learn. Not that the university failed to teach me the things I need to learn, but one could not grasp all lessons in life in the academe. The "outside world" (as they put it) is quite an environment different from the university life. Much of our learnings come from the curriculum, yes, but others, from our dealing with others. Even from our dealing with the self.

I completed my thesis not only because of my knowledge in research that was taught to me in 197 and 198. I managed to finish it because I dealt with others for my data gathering. Because I learned to exhaust the resources I need. Because I struggled to overcome my timidness. Because I talked to people. Because I asked for help. Because of some things I learned in the university that were not discussed in the four corners of the room.

Because I took a leap of faith.

And taking the leap of faith is the greatest lesson the thesis taught me.

Go, dream. Think. Ask for help; you cannot possible make it alone. Have doubts and fears, but don't give up. Take the leap of faith. And keep learning even in the failures.

Ah, the leap of faith. I thought I would stumble but then, I was flown. :)

What kind of sorcery is this?

Last night I dreamed that we had tocino for lunch.
I woke up and Kuya Abel went in the room.

Kuya: Uy Mich ambagan tayo! Tocino.
Michay: O_O

I am Nostradamus! :))