Graduation thoughts 2: the leap of faith.

I just finished the draft 3 of my thesis. And I hope this would be the last draft I would ever write.



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That sentence written above was a draft I made for this blog while I was writing the last drafts of my thesis. And as of the moment, the thesis has been binded. BINDED! Also, I was able to partially complete my clearance. Wow!

It was not easy to get to this point. I took a roller coaster ride of data gathering, coding, recoding, analyzing, writing, rewriting, editing, hardcore editing and editing some more. Many times I would face the ceiling of our room, thinking if I could ever finish this long process of research. But then, Someone who wants me to graduate this semester helped me. He took me through the leap of faith. He took me through the furnace, because He said that "gold is tested with fire" (cf. Sirach 2:5).

In fact, I think the entire process of my education was a test in the fire. I had to go through a lot of sleepless nights. I had to go to different places so that I could gather the data I need for my requirements. I did the things unimaginable, such as pitting a toad (BIO 2), singing in front of the class to get extra points in an exam, asking an array of saints to help me pass a course (okay, that was STAT1), and many others. And, having come out from all these furnaces, I am expected to be a competent UP graduate in an ever competitive world.

However, I realized that I still need a lot of things to learn. Not that the university failed to teach me the things I need to learn, but one could not grasp all lessons in life in the academe. The "outside world" (as they put it) is quite an environment different from the university life. Much of our learnings come from the curriculum, yes, but others, from our dealing with others. Even from our dealing with the self.

I completed my thesis not only because of my knowledge in research that was taught to me in 197 and 198. I managed to finish it because I dealt with others for my data gathering. Because I learned to exhaust the resources I need. Because I struggled to overcome my timidness. Because I talked to people. Because I asked for help. Because of some things I learned in the university that were not discussed in the four corners of the room.

Because I took a leap of faith.

And taking the leap of faith is the greatest lesson the thesis taught me.

Go, dream. Think. Ask for help; you cannot possible make it alone. Have doubts and fears, but don't give up. Take the leap of faith. And keep learning even in the failures.

Ah, the leap of faith. I thought I would stumble but then, I was flown. :)

What kind of sorcery is this?

Last night I dreamed that we had tocino for lunch.
I woke up and Kuya Abel went in the room.

Kuya: Uy Mich ambagan tayo! Tocino.
Michay: O_O

I am Nostradamus! :))

I wanna be a donkey.*

There was a donkey that lived thousands of years ago. Most of the time, people would use him to ride on while travelling. He would happily have the people ride on his back, and he would take them to wherever they intended to go.

One day, a tall and well-composed man decided to ride on his back. As they reached the gates of Jerusalem, more people gathered on their way. The crowd spread their cloaks on the street. They gathered palm leaves and waited for their arrival. The donkey was thrilled to see how the people welcomed them.

When they passed by, the crowd cheered them and waved their palms. Oh, how happy was this donkey! He had never caught this much attention by anyone. And it is happening now.

However, after a few moments, Jesus was not riding on his back anymore. The people stopped rejoicing. No one was noticing the donkey again. He was dismayed that he asked his mother donkey, "Why is the crowd like that, mom? Why did they stop hailing me?"

Mother donkey creased her head, while saying, "Are you out of your mind, son? They were praising not you but the One who rode on your back. Without Christ, you are nothing."

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Oh, how I wish I were the donkey in the story. I wish to be a servant of Christ by serving my purpose in this world, just as the donkey fulfilled his purpose by having Jesus ride on his back.

How I wish I were as nothing as the donkey. He was empty-handed, but when Jesus rode on his back, it felt as if he was at the top of the world. I wish that Jesus would use me that way, too, so that His glory would manifest greatly. I wish to shrink myself so deeply in order that Someone more glorious, holy and deserving would excel out of me.

I wish to recognize that like the donkey, without Christ, I am nothing; that I could never attribute even a small accomplishment to me, because I could not do anything in my own efforts. All goodness comes from the Sole Provider, and in reality i do not possess anything, even my own self. I wish to be remembered that when God ceases to ride on my back, I would return to the nothing that I came from. I want to be least of all donkeys because it is in this littleness that the Rider would be hailed the most by His people.

I want to be a donkey. How about you? c:

*inspired by a homily by Fr. Thor Villacarlos

Graduation thoughts 1: That inner calling

I have an inner calling. Inner calling means that deep in my heart, God is calling me for this vocation. I can clearly say that this an inner calling because, first, when I do it, I feel that I am perfectly designed for this work. I can do it without sweat, I get positive feedback from people for this work, I do it regularly even if no one pays me. I feel that I am meant to do this for the rest of my life. Second, I feel a profound, joyful bliss when I do it. You can just lock me up in an empty room for a week and have me do it, and I will survive.  Finally, when I do it, I feel that God is at work within me, and that brings about great fulfillment.

Okay, I will tell what "it" is. It is writing. I have been in the choir, in theater plays, in the press, in the field gathering data and in the academic institution, but nothing beats the moment when I am in solace, writing stuff in my notebook or tinkering with my laptop. In college, when I discovered blogs, I had to sign up for one immediately. I even took Journalism as my major during my sophomore year, although that is completely a different story.

When I write, I become friends with words. I have to write a lot about my thoughts, dreams, pains, and especially my fears. I especially highlight fears because I tend to write when I am afraid. I am afraid mostly of the future. During my first semester in UP, I had to write a lot. Also, when I became part of the Execom of the ministry in which I am a member, I wrote a lot about my fears. Writing became my refuge, the comfort zone of such a melancholic as I.

I do not have anything to write about politics, biology and math. I don't have much in my head for academic stuff. Also, my grammar is a little bad. But I do have some few inspirations - my being a Christian, my experiences in the Catholic faith, my personal relationship with Jesus, and the healthy relationships I have with people that are also rooted in Jesus. I do not have much, but I have Jesus! He is everything I have. Therefore I can write about Him.

Writing is my inner calling. And writing for God is my ultimate dream. I feel that God is calling me for this purpose. I even think that my writings in high school were a preparatory step for a greater calling in this field. So great is this calling that wraps my heart. I am enthralled and excited by my dreams. I know that God, in time, will lead me to the right direction where I can fully fulfill this longing.  I am constantly hoping for it.

Oh, the things we do for love.

1. Love is that moment when it's late at night and the husband is sleepy, but then his pregnant wife asks him to buy food outside. He's about to get pissed but instead, he runs outside and gets her request.

2. A husband cheats on his wife and ran away from home to live with his girl. Love is when she comes to him in the girl's house to give him medicine because he was sick.

3. Love is that moment when a girl waited for a guy for lunch, but he kept her waiting until 3pm. Upon arrival, he told her that he just finished having lunch with someone. In extreme hunger, she replied, "It's okay."

4. Love is when a mother feels so sleepy at 11pm but still chose to sew the torn jeans of her daughter who will fly to LB the next day.

5. Love is when that same mother forgives her husband who had cheated her for countless times.

6. Love is when that same mother sent another set of money for her daughter after the daughter just lost her wallet.

Because I truly believe that love is action. Love is giving. Love is SACRIFICE.

PS. These are real stories from people I know.

I hope I won't forget this song.

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must have spent...
A little more time on you.

Missing the music.

My throat isn't okay for how many weeks now.

I couldn't sing. Well, I could sing a few pop songs but I cannot let out my usual soprano voice. I've been missing a few choir practices and I could not go up the choir loft because I could produce no good voice.

I miss singing. Badly.

For now, let me listen to the songs I used to sing.

St. Blase, ora pro nobis.