Sakit e. Sulat lang ako para mabawasan yung sakit.

There are people who come to your life once in a while. And after that, they're gone forever.Then there are people who come, go, return, walk away again, and repeat the cycle until you get tired. Still there are people who come into your life and stay for good, this is good.

But the people I'm pissed off right now are those who become one of your best friends, talk to you everyday, share meals with you, text you whatever, and then snob you all of a sudden. He or she does not tell you if he or she's angry or bored with you. You're left wondering what you have done wrong. It's paranoia in your part.

Bottomline, I'm really pissed right now. I don't know how to release this tension. I don't want to cry! For some reasons, I've become tired crying. But then, I want to tell someone. But who's gonna listen? Nobody listens. Nobody is interested to hear anything from me. So I guess I'll just let it all out in the blog.

Why the cold shoulder? Alam ko marami akong pagkukulang. Marami akong hindi kayang gawin. Marami akong pagkakamali. Pero bakit ganito ang trato niya sa akin? Makina ba ako na papansinin niya lang kung may kailangan siya?


Sorry. Wala akong mapagsabihan ng problema ngayon. Melancholic talaga ako. Para na akong sasabog ngayon.


Nangingilid na ang luha ko. Pero bawal umiyak. Sa mundong ito, ang mga umiiyak ay lalong kinakawawa. Once you've shed that tear, you're a loser. I don't want to be one. I want to be strong. Just this one time.


Buti na lang marunong akong magsulat. Kahit paano, may outlet ako. Kung hindi ako nagsulat ngayon, baka kung saan ko nailabas ang tensyon na ito.


Bakit ko nga ba siya poproblemahin kung wala naman siyang pakialam sa mga tao sa paligid niya? Duh, edi wala na lang pakialamanan. Nakakapagod ring magmahal (not in a romantic sense).


Ang Diyos, hindi napapagod magmahal. Mahal pa rin Niya ako kahit ano pang kasamaang ginawa at gagawin ko. Pero tao lang ako. Gustuhin ko mang gayahin ang Diyos sa wagas Niyang pagmamahal, mukhang hindi ko pa kaya yung talagang magmahal nang walang hinihinging kapalit (again, not in a romantic sense). Pwede bang tumigil na muna sa pagmamahal? Pwede bang mag- time out sa pagkalinga at pag-intindi ng kapwa? Pagod na kasi ako. Wala namang pagmamahal na bumabalik. Bigay lang ako ng bigay. Eh ako, kailan ko kaya mararamdaman na mahal rin ako ng mga taong mahal ko?


Ano kayang nararamdaman ni Hesus kapag nasasaktan ko Siya? Ako nga ngayon, wasak na. Siya pa kaya? Sa tuwing idedeny Siya ng mga tao? Sa tuwing lalayo sila sa Diyos?


Buti na lang, may nag-iisa na lang na totoong nagmamahal sa akin. Buti na lang nandyan Ka. Thank you for keeping my sanity. Kahit i-reject ako ng mga tao, ayos lang basta alam kong namatay Ka para sa akin sa krus. Ok na ako basta andyan Ka. Yun nga lang, nasaktan ako. Pero ayos lang, try ko na ring maging okey.

Ang sakit. Nasasaktan ako.

Galing sa Facebook:

Repost: I saw this old woman sitting by herself yesterday at the corner of buendia and roxas blvd yesterday. Surprised to see a bond paper pinned in front and back of her dress with a picture of a missing old man, i asked her about it and she said it is her husband who has been missing for two weeks now. I was touched by her integrity and pained to see her looking for him in that manner so i decided to help her too. I asked permission to post her picture here in fb to be shared by others as help for finding Mr. Luis Matias.

Lolo Matias is 78 years old, he displays childish behaviour so do coax him if found and restrain him from leaving ur sight. 
Call any of these numbers immediately 09497763122/ 09326095491 / 09474196145, he lives in #164 Dolores St. Pasay City Brgy 66 Zone 08

Do share this around please at sana mahanap agad si Lolo Luis Matias!




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Durog ang puso ko pagkakita sa litratong ito. Nalulungkot ako para kay Lola. Nasasaktan ako. Kung may pwede lang akong gawin, nagawa ko na sana. Nasuyod ko sana ang buong mundo. Nakapagtanong sana ako sa lahat ng tao. Pero hindi. Wala akong magawa para ibsan ang kalungkutan ni Lola. Ipagpapasa-Diyos ko na lang ang paghahanap kay Lolo.


Bakit hinayaan ito ng Diyos? Mahal na mahal ni Lola si Lolo. Bakit Niya pinaghiwalay ang dalawa? Bakit may ganitong paghihirap ang matanda? Bakit may ganitong krus? Pasensiya na kung matanong. Ang sakit kasi.


Wala na akong magagawa, kundi ang ipagdasal sila.

Thoughts on finding my one true love. Hihihi.

If I write about you, that means I am thinking of you. Or it could be that I am starting to like you. Or I am infatuated to you. Or the worst of all, I might be in love with you.

But the thing is, this blog is not about you. So please be reminded that I am not writing about you. I am writing this blog and this blog is about me.

I am turning twenty-one this December. No boyfriend since birth. Yes! No man has held my hand for real (but a few had held it before and I call it flirting. :P) But yeah, seriously I haven't had a boyfriend yet. A real boyfriend.

When I meet someone who is the right guy for me, I want him to be a responsible man. I want him to have a stable job, good looks (optional) and a caring heart. Of course, I also want him to have the same ideologies as I fight for. Am I asking for too much? I hope not.

If I would ever settle for a guy, I'd settle for the best I could find, of course. I do not mean he has to be perfect. But at least he must have the qualities of a good potential life partner (whoa!).

I read a book by Bo Sanchez entitled "How to Find Your One True Love." Not that I'm desperate to find mine, but I'd love to hear some good advice from Mr. Sanchez himself, if ever my time comes. :) According to him, guys tend to be easily attracted by girls with long hair. Guess what? The next day, I cut my hair. Haha. Well, I don't think I am already running out of time to get a guy. Besides, I want to have a new look (and yes, get rid of buying too much shampoo).

I don't feel that right now is my time to find a love of my own. Besides being quite young, I have other business to deal with right now. My thesis is saying hello to me every single waking moment. My Japanese students are waiting for Tutor Michay to discuss an article with them. I have several musical pieces to practice and an entire concert to prepare. And after I graduate, I'd probably be hunting for a job amidst a hundred thousand other graduates.

Most of all, I don't think I feel incomplete - the love of the Good Lord is enough to fill my heart ever-thirsty for an unconditional love.

So to my one true love (if ever you really exist), hang in there. We'll meet each other soon,in His most perfect time. =)

Don't give up on me.

Yes, I will do my best to finish this blog even if:

a.) it's 12:30 in the morning;

b.) I am dead tired;

c.) a jukebox song is playing over and over on my background; and

d.) I know in my conscience that I need to sleep early.

But I do miss this activity of blogging. It seems to me that I am incomplete if I do not blog for a long time. Blogging gives me a time to pause, reflect and plan the next things I will do. Yes, it helps me pray too.

My issue right now is this: why do I feel so lost right now? I know I found a place in this world already. I am a GRADUATING student (re-emphasize graduating). I am working on my thesis right now. I have a part-time job. I will sing for a concert on Feb. I am part of the production committee of that concert. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a housemate, a batchmate. Why the avalanche of commitments? Can I just disappear now?

But I know I should not falter. Somehow, deep in my heart I know that God has destined me to be busy right now. I think He wants to shake off all the comforts I felt last semester. It is like, it's time to act now, Mich!!!

I have a habit of looking for God in the minutest of things. With all these hassles going on in my fully-booked schedule, how do I do that? I guess I will have to open my eyes wider. Ha ha.

Help me, Lord. The rope I am holding on to might snap. I might trip and fall. I might wander far from You again. Please don't leave me alone. Don't give up on me yet.

On the sin of pride.

Sorry, I feel like being preachy today. I am no theologist nor religious, but I am 'proud' (not in a bad sense) to realize that in a certain level, I have figured out the irony of pride. Yes, it is too ironic it even seems confusing to the rational mind.

I thought pride only meant feeling too superior to others. I thought it only meant merely failing to submit to others' authority when necessary. In a nutshell, those may be true but pride is a complex concept and is much, much more than that.

Any thought that roots from extreme love of the self is pride. Yes, superiority complex is pride. That feeling that you are always 'right' is pride. When you think that no one should boss you around. When you insist your opinions and shun down others'. When most of the time, you think your 'ego' is being shaken (hey, I also realized that 'ego' is such a proud concept. At the same time I believe that much of it is imaginary). Those self-centered thinking results from the tendency of the pride of our heart.

But do you know that inferiority complex is pride too? Feeling ashamed to face other people because of the fear of being ridiculed. Being restrained in your comfort zone because of the fear of commiting a mistake. Those kinds of fear come from pride. We feel that kind of fear because we tend to defend ourselves from harm. Part of our human nature is to be inclined to self-preservation and perpetuation.

But anything that roots from our excessive self-love is already pride. Even the mere fact that we feel that we are humble enough is a sure sign of pride. This is the most ironic part. Those who feel that they are already good and humble are the persons infected with that dangerous pride. They are likened to the pharisees and scribes who criticized Jesus but failed to recognized their rotten selves.

On the other hand, admitting that you are proud actually removes your pride, strip by strip, brick by brick. Ironic, eh? The publican who recognized that he is a sinner was highly favored by God. But woe to the clergy in Jesus' time who were self-rightous and contented of themselves.

There are other indicators of pride but I cannot exhaust all. It is up to our judgment and discernment.

Mary was the perfect example of total humility. In spite of her nothingness (in terms of worldly matters, of course), she was the one chosen to be mother of the Messiah. If she had superiority complex, she would have proudly accepted the deal because she would think she was the rightest person worthy of Christ. That kind of thinking would be so unright, even if she is indeed the rightest person. If Mary had inferiority complex, she would not have accepted it. She would think of what others would say because she was unworthy. If that were so, then mankind is doomed.

But Mary accepted the deal as a lowly servant of the Lord. She made her Fiat not out of any feeling of superiority nor 'what-would-they-say-if-I-didn't-follow' thinking, but out of perfect resignation to the will of God.

May we learn true humility from the lowly and glorious life of Mary. :)

What was I doing in Buendia?

What was I doing in Buendia?

Oh, nothing. I just rode the bus LRT station bound in Buendia. I was supposed to ride the MRT in Magallanes (first stop after SLEX if you're from Los Banos).

The THING is, I slept during the entire trip. I went on a comatose. And when I woke up, poof. It became Koko Crunch. We passed by Magallanes already. I was in Buendia.

I was like ??? and O.o? I was speechless. I am so proud of myself for sleeping like there was no tomorrow. So I rode a jeepney back to Guadalupe so I could get back at the MRT.

What's happening to my sleeping pattern? How will I get myself back to normal? Oh Lord, help me on this. T.T

(Random thoughts only. Sorry if this is a deviant post.)

A date with God: the Laiya experience

At Laiya, Batangas with Aiko, Kat, Fr. Thor, Mich and Jam

Last Monday was the time of my life. My sisters and I had a 24-hour vacation in White Cove Beach Resort at Laiya, Batangas. All the students were frantic at this time; it was finals week. But I managed to finished my thesis proposal by Sunday so that I could go with them. It was an all-expense paid trip to Laiya, thanks to Father Thor (it was his birthday that Sunday, so we was treating everyone else).

I could not imagine that this vacation would be a spiritual activity for me. I only wanted to jeer away from the stress and noise of UPLB. I mean, the lack of solitude. A "time for myself" was my drama. I wanted to reflect on the happenings in my life right now because I've been exhausting myself for weeks now in editing my thesis.

Honestly, I've seen several greater places than Laiya. I have even seen white sand and oh-so-green mountains. But Laiya reminded me that the world (and the Philippines in particular) is indeed beautiful; we just need to open our eyes wide enough.

See, even the shells are awesome.

The wind that gently howled on my cheek. It was like a kiss from the Lord. The mountains that surrounded the bay. They were like picture frames of His goodness. The coolness of the rain that dampened my skin was like a shower of His blessings to me. The sand that touched my bare feet was His touch, to remind me that I walk along His path of grace.

It was like the whole universe was talking to me: shouting out in high decibels that my God is a big GOD. He created all these magnificent things. He was so good a Lord that He let me experience all this goodness.

When we were brought via boat to the middle of the sea for snorkling, I was in deep joy! I was enthralled with all that I saw. The fishes, all alive and colorful. They eat the bread in my hand! I even saw Dory (Regal Blue Tang Fish). Lots of Dories. The corals. The blue water. Underwater was like a different city, a different world. My magnificent God has done all these. Amazing.

We didn't have an underwater camera, so this is all I can share.

We went around taking lots and lots of pictures. We slept in a very comfortable room. We ate delicious sinigang and grilled pork. While they were sleeping, I roamed around and then sat by the shore, just pondering all the wonderful things I saw.

It was like God was whispering to me, "This is how much I love you, My child."

It was a personal retreat.

I could not ever forget this wonderful experience. Thank you my sisters! Thank you Father Thor, for making this possible! I owe my sanity to you (haha).

My Lord and my God, You have manifested Your goodness once more, and I cannot contain it. This world and everything in it is Your handwork. My life is Your craft, and I offer it back to You! Gloria in excelsis Deo!

(More photos in our facebook profile.)

I will leave with a sweet smile on my face.